Please god, make me a bird so I can fly far far. Far far away from here.

(Philly post 1 of 2)



3 years, 6 months, & 3 days. This is how long it had been since Sean and I have been childless for an entire weekend. Three whole days that did not include, diapers, Bink's, sippy cups, chitter chatter and revolving around nap schedules and bed-time. It was about time.



I won't lie, I was both nervous and excited for this last weekend. Nervous to leave my babies (not in the care of my parents) but nervous for the two of us to be flying without them. I scribbled out and notarized a 'last will & testament' leaving our precious babies and all our worldly possessions in the hands of my parents should god forbid something happen to us. A 'right to seek medical attention' note as well as the kids insurance cards were left behind (just in case). Despite the neurotic behavior, I was also excited to spend some adult time away. I was interested in being able to speak to Sean about something other than our kids (of course, we couldn't help it) and excited to spend time with his family where I wasn't running around trying to catch ends of conversation while preventing Ian from hurting himself.



Everything about flying without kids is easy. We had two bags, one carry on. No sippy cups, books, portable DVD players and snack cups. Despite breaking my nail off in the security line, it was a breeze. I wasn't removing 3 coats, 3 pairs of shoes, breaking down a stroller while doing my best to prevent Bink's, cups or anything else that will end up in my kids mouths to touch or be anywhere near the conveyor belt. I just lazily watched my purse filled only with my new book coast thru security. "Please Mam, can you remove your belt?" I was asked. "Why of course, that will be no problem as my hands are completely free".



What I realized in that security line however, is that although you may leave your kids behind. They absolutely do not leave you. I watched other parents struggle and I felt empathy. I missed my kids and was sure that Alex would LOVE to be here right now. And then I saw it. I bent over to put my shoes back on and on the bottom of my sock STUCK was one of Alex's Dora band-aids. Of course it wasn't 'used'. She removes them all from their wrappers and sticks them around the house. I must have just stepped on one on my way out the door. I chuckled and pointed it out to Sean. He responded with 'Gross'. I however, saw opportunity. I removed the band-aid from my sock and placed it on my throbbing, broken nailed finger. Wa-La! Only a mother.



(Fast forward to our return trip)



5:30 am. This is the hour we had to be up following a most wonderful wedding, reception, & trip to the hotel bar ending around 2:30am. This was not a great way to start a day of travelling. Sean is a much better morning person than I. I didn't speak, or really see my surroundings until we were in the Philly airport and I'd already downed my first cup of coffee. With a prop plane (GASP I hate those) to Newark, a 3 1/2 hour layover and a 6 hour flight home, you could say I wasn't 'pleasant' or good company of any sort. Sorry Sean.



Trying to remain positive in that 'this would be so much harder with the kids', I settled in for the long haul. The jumper to Newark was fast and bump free. I was gifted with the most amazing view of NYC on our descent. I love that city. My face was smeared to the airplane glass blocking Sean's view entirely...oh how I wish I lived there. 3 1/2 hour layovers are dreadful. We sat in silence watching TV, reading our books, sleeping on and off and overall grumbling (me, not Sean) that this sucked! I think we were both tired and just wanted to be home with our babies when we saw him.



He was at least 6 1/2 feet tall. Certianly, he was a Blue Man Group wanna-be, or groupie. He was wearing baby blue crocs, a blue fleece (tucked in his jeans in the back, yet not quite covering his whole front), a blue stocking cap, and was sporting a blue fanny pack. Some may think, 'So, what's the big deal?'. The big deal is, he was also carrying a blue cooler. Maybe we were so tired and delirious that dirt would have made us laugh but this man had us in hysterics. We began to argue over what exactly he was carrying in the cooler. Sean's vote was Beer. I was confident it was an organ he was delivering for some transplant. Here. He. Is.







Within moments, we realized he too was headed to P-town and please please please if there is any sort of karmic influence out there, please do not require me to sit by this man as punishment for laughing. I may just die. As Sean and I walked down the aisle I saw him sitting in the middle seat somewhere around row 14-17. I couldn't quite get an accurate count, but knowing we were in row 15 I began to sweat. What if I fell asleep and he stole my phone, finding this picture I had taken? What if I couldn't stop staring at his fanny pack, and what if the cooler didn't fit in the overhead compartment and I would have to fight with it the entire way home? What if, What if WHAT IF? I don't know how, but I was relieved of punishment for my immature, and cruel behavior and sat just one seat in front of him.



I read virtually an entire book on the way home and anxiously anticipated the moment when we picked up the kids and they ran screaming into our arms saying 'We missed you, We love you, and thank you for all you do for us'. It didn't happen quite like that, but it was close enough. I thank thank thank my parents for taking the kids this weekend. What a complete blessing. I really learned how important it is to take these breaks. Although we were out late, busy and travelled a ton I feel oddly rested and refreshed when it comes to the kids. You realize when your away how really truly a 24 hour job they are, and how you really never stop. My heart feels happy that I had an amazingly fun weekend away with Sean, that my parents were kind enough to be full time parents on their only days off work, that I had my babies to come home too.



More to follow on the actual festivities.

Introducing the next Alicia Keys

Alex LOVES music. She loves to sing. I'm embarrassed to say her favorite songs are "Oops I did it again"-Britney Spears, "Bleeding Love"-Leona Lewis & my personal favorite "Dangerous"-Kardinal Officiall (feat: Akon) which she only heard once before I realized that wasn't for little ears.

Anyway, she loves her Wee Sing and Play CD and has taken to enjoying the piano. Enjoy.






Below is a picture of Ian in his Halloween Costume. I couldn't think of what he should be...and then I saw it. Hanging on the top rack in the Target Halloween Mecca. It called to me and with all hopes this will fit him next year too. Yoda is brushing his teeth in this picture but the little boy within the Yoda is addicted to his toothbrush and can rarely be found without it.

T minus Two

I'm so terribly tired. So tired that the lines on this here excel spreadsheet I'm working on are blurring together. I blame the Sudafed. I blame the Sudafed mixed with DayQuil, and I blame Sean. No, just kidding. Granted, he is in San Antonio for work this week. He's managed to work out, watch the series each night and have quiet evenings in his hotel room. But he also misses us, is sick too and evidently the conference he's at is serving the worst food known to man.

It's his longest trip since having two kids, and quite frankly the hardest trip yet. It's weeks like this that give me such a complete admiration for single mom's & dad's. It's weeks like this that make me appreciate my husband and how involved with our kids he is. Although the weekend was nonstop and I didn't have but a few minutes to myself, today I started the logistical nightmare of getting everyone up and out, to school, to work and tonight I'll run the dinner, bath, bed, prepare for the next day marathon alone. In hopes, that some quality time with each child will present itself. It's always being late and behind and it's squeezing all the things I can't do at home while here at work into 1 1/2 hours. It is a price I pay in working 4 tens. I'm out early, I'm home late but that Monday home with the kids has so far seemed worth these horrendous days. God BLESS my dear mom who also works these long hours so she can help me and my sister by taking the three kids on Fridays. God freaking bless her.

We've had some great times over the past few days. Friday we had my nephew over for a slumber party. Saturday morning, Ian blessed me with one of his 'I'm going to get up at 5am days', and this is sorta where my sleep ceased for the weekend. Saturday was beautiful. The kids and I spent much of the day outside raking up 7 giant bags of leaves. I did my best not to get frustrated as they jumped in my pile, picked up giant handfulls and ran around the yard re-distributing my hard work. I had to convince Alex that it was not appropriate to break out the swim pool at the end of October even though she insisted it was obviously summertime and she knew exactly where her swim suit was.

Saturday night, my sis returned the babysitting favor and I ventured out for a friends Birthday Bunco Bash. I had far too much fun, got home far too late and 10 minutes after falling asleep I had a visitor.

"Mommy?"

"Yes."

"Where's Daddy?"

"He's at work."

"Why is he at work in the night?"

"Well, he had to get on an airplane and fly far away. He's not really working right now, he's sleeping in his hotel. Now come on, go back to bed. Mommy's tired."

"Can, I sleep with you?"

Afraid she'd wet my bed, forever ruining my beloved 'novaform mattress topper' I said "No, go back to your bed."

I rolled over to urge her back and found her in my bed, laying on her back. Asleep and SNORING. How about an award for the worlds fastest 'fall sleep' ever. After an hour I carried her back to her bed. To avoid knocking her head on the doorjam I hit the door with her feet, slamming the door into the wall and therefore waking Ian. After settling him back down I stumbled back to my room for a whopping 3 hours of sleep when my trusty alarm clock (Ian) woke me up.

Ian and I woke up with our 3rd round of cold symptoms this cold/flu season. woot woot! We spent the majority of sunday cleaning house, doing laundry, running errands and overall whining at each other. That night I quite possibly had the worst hour in my parenting life, and I was alone. It was the bedtime hour which can be hectic enough but this time I had a 'napless, not feeling good' Ian and a 'jealous of all the attention he got all day, tantrum throwing" 3 year old.
Monday I was sure we all just had a case of cabin fever and we met a friend for a play date. We hit up the park for a few hours and later DQ. It was a good day.

Today, not so much. Within a 10 minute period of time this morning Ian submerged both his bedtime pull toy lion in a pee filled toilet, and my Blackberry in a soap & water filled kitchen sink. He pooped on the way to daycare, and I forgot to leave Alex's carseat so she could go to gymnastics today. I wonder sometimes what my friends and family think of this high strung, forgetfull, space cadet I have become. As a self proclaimed control freak, one would assume I have but an ounce of control over anything. I miss order, cleanliness, stuffed toys not soaked in urine and today I miss my cell phone, my kids and my husband. I must admit, I've felt somewhat sorry for myself a few times the last couple days. But each time, it doesn't last long. I know there are men and women out there who do this everday. Who juggle life, kids, and jobs and who don't know what it is to have someone step in and say, "let me get this, you go take 5".

Some quotes of the weekend:

Caden: "Aunt Carrrrriiiieeeee, I swallowed my gum! Now it's in my neck."

Alex: "Mom, what is this?"
Me: "It's Edamame."
Alex: "Well this one is small, is it's name Edababy?"

Alex: "Ian Patrick Kolburn, get down from there!"

Me: "Alex, what is your birthdate?"
Alex: "May and a half"

What I've learned this week:

1.Taking the garbage out sucks. I realized with Sean gone, this task was falling into my hands. What? I literally didn't know how to do it and after Sean didn't pick up the phone, had to call my dad for 'recycling etiquette' assistance of which I found all too time consuming and dumped it all together, ignoring all rules of separation.

2. 3 & 4 year olds can not, and should not be expected to fall asleep in the same room. Ever.

3. Toilet seats should come complete with automatic closure and lockdown, only to be opened with a 5 digit pin.

Sun, Sand & Shades

Spent an enourmously fun and relaxing weekend at the beach with friends this weekend. The weather was awesome, the company devine, the hot tub was A-MAZ-ING... and I think one night I stayed up until 11:00. It felt like 3am but still...something to be proud of.

We had good moments and bad moments and some of them were at the same time. Take note of Ian's 'I couldn't be madder' face and Alex's 'this is the best day of my life ever' face.

Ian had his first experience running around in the sand, eating sand, and a few hours later...pooping sand. Yeah to good times and good friends!

My kids, they are brilliant!

Ian put himself in timeout today. He's 15 months and already 'get's it'. He not only says Thank You when appropriate, and walks to the stairs when you ask him if he's tired, but he's punishing himself!

Monday while home with the kids, I put Ian in timeout (on the bottom stair, for 5 seconds) while telling him that "hitting is inappropriate and will not be tolerated!"Convinced I was going to nip this 'hitting' in the bud, I pulled out some tactics from Nanny 911. I then asked him to say sorry by giving me a kiss which is his new thing (to run across the room, head back and lips pursed while making smooching noises). He did it each time and I allowed him to get up and try again.

He hit Sean today and when Sean said "Ian, no hitting", he very calmly took himself to timeout, waited a moment, and then returned to Sean for his 'I'm sorry' kiss. Don't get me wrong, I highly doubt he will be grounding himself in later years & taking away priveledges on his on accord but I'll take what I can get here.

We visited the pumpkin patch this weekend which was all too much fun. Alex & Caden went thru a haymaze, rode the swings, ferris wheel, & had a pony ride. Ian tried the pony ride & hated it. Instead, he attempted to pick up each and every pumpkin while making a grunting noise as if to say "I believe there is a chance in hell that I can actually physcially pick up this pumpkin, but it's just a TAD too heavy". He loves being able to run/walk around with the big kids and usally when placed on his feet, takes off like Road Runner.

I've had some humorous conversations with Alex this week. I'm not sure what makes them ecspecially funny other than the fact that although she's 3, I feel she has no right knowing what she knows OR being able to articulate these things. I'm wondering if at any age I'll get used to having conversations with her, or if at any point in time I'll stop being enamored by her thought processes.

Me: "Goodnight Pumpkin, I love you."

Alex: "I'm not a pumpkin, I'm Alexandra."

Me: "Your my pumpkin."

Alex: "Mom, your silly (insert 16 year old PPPSSSSHHAAAWWWW) I'm not a pumpkin, I'm a kid!"

_________________________________

Alex: "Mom, did you remember my Kitty from Kathleena's"

Me: (lying) "No, I'm so sorry I must have forgotten her. We'll get it tomorrow."

Alex: (very calm, cool, & collected) "Mom. Sorry, but your gonna have to take me back there to get it."

Mom: "I was kidding Alex, it's in your bag-in the trunk."

Alex: "Okay, I'll have to make sure when we get home or else we'll have to go back. And I'm just tired."


I love the ages of my kids right now. 3 & 1. I still have a baby (sorta-he resembles a 2 year old) but he loves to be held, he needs me in more ways then Alex, he still sleeps in a crib, wears diapers and to everyones dismay still has an occasional bottle and bink (gasp!). But he's my baby and not knowing if there's a 3rd little life out there for us, I'm hanging on to him for dear life. Alex is maturing by the day. I've been so proud of her the last few weeks, the bedtime routine has improved (Thanks to Sean's consistency), she's more polite and she's been so brave in situations she previously may have melted down in. She's now in gymnastics, and swim lessons and loves both dearly! The best part of 3 & 1, is that that "3" and the "1" actually show signs of really truly loving each other. They play better, they take care of each other, & laugh at each other and what a sight that is.

It just never fails.

My friends-Your probably all tired of seeing my gmail chat, my facebook status and my blogs be consumed with 'I'm sick' commentary. But, I'm sick. I was sick two weeks ago, passed it on to Sean and it's made full circle back to me again. I'm ginormously thankful that it has yet to hit Alex & Ian (please hold as I try to find some real wood to 'knock' in this here cubicle of mine).

Last night, we decided to call it an early night. Sean went to bed at 8. After some extra snuggles from Alex on the couch and a few stories, I called it quits at 8:40. For the first time in weeks, I was appreciative of the shorter days in that I didn't have to go to bed in the daylight. Expecting a long, full 8 hours of slumber that would leave me energized and ready for today, instead I got this:


9 pm: lights out, dead to the world, asleep.

11 pm: Alex wakes in a crazy cry fit. It was either a nightmare, a loss of her piggy, or a blanket had twisted around her body I couldn't tell.

11:30 pm: Alex finally settles back to sleep. I return to my bed and lose consciousness once again.

11:39 pm: Ian wakes. I believe by the way he was contorting his body when I peeked in on him, his arm had fallen asleep and we all know how that can hurt.

11:45 pm: A bink, a musical pull toy pull settles Ian back in and I return to bed.

12:01 am: I wake in a panic after dreaming I found an excederin migraine pill on the floor of the upstairs hall. Since I do this frequently? And am full of rational thoughts in the middle of the night, I wander into the hall to check. Nothing.

2:20 am: Ian stirs again. I wake, stare longingly at the baby monitor pleading with the red lines to please please please go away. They do. And I'm out again.

3:39 am: Cries from Alex's room again. I find her writhing in her bed soaked head to toe. She's wet the bed. For the first time in 3 months since no more pull-ups. Why tonight? Why me? I pull off her sheets, change her jammies and count the minutes until my alarm will go off. 1 hr, 20 minutes. I change the alarm from 5am to 5:10. As if it matters.

4:15 am: Ian wakes. He cries he cries he cries. Every 3rd day or so, he gets thirsty this time of day. Sean responds. Thank God. He goes and makes a bottle. I wait the 3 minutes it takes for Ian to guzzle his milk, fingers crossed that he'll fall back asleep. He doesn't. 55 minutes and counting til this night from hell will end and I'm charging in to gather my son and pull him into bed with me. It's dire straights, and drastic measures. It's my last and most desperate option but it's my only hope. He turns on his side, and snuggles into the best spoon ever.

4:30 am: My arm's asleep, and Ian's sound asleep. I take him back to his bed and voila! He's back down. I change the alarm to 5:30. 30 minutes is enough time to get up, ready and to work 20 miles away. Right? Another rational 'wee hours of the morning' thought.

5:30 am: Alarm sounds. Sean hits snooze.

5:42 am: Alarm sounds. Sean hits snooze.

5:54 am: Alarm sounds. Sean hits snooze. I apologize and beg for one more.

6:06 am: Alarm sounds. Sean hits snooze. "Next one I promise", I mutter.

6:18 am: Alarm sounds. I throw the covers back and stomp into the bathroom. I'm 18 minutes late to work.

Watcha Doin Mom, Paint'in?

I don't really know why I do it. We've lived in this house 2+ years now, and I've almost single handedly painted EVERY SQUARE INCH. Walls, cabinets, ceilings, fireplaces, moldings, and doors have been the cause of much stress, fatigue, and one sore wrist. I suffer painters hand, neck & back and for what? I don't really know. I don't know if anyone will really cares that soon our bedroom will resemble a picture I tore from a Better Homes & Garden magazine, but still...I do it. I get great satisfaction in turning ugly into something nice. And truly, painting is a bit of therapy for me.

I started my bedroom finally. The last and final room of our once atrocious house. I cried the day we moved into this house. Having left our meticulously painted, and clean town home I felt I had been transported into an episode of the Brady Bunch. What kills me is, I spend all this time and energy at completing these tasks and then wonder why I'm exhausted, have bills un-paid, and no food in the house. I complain that I can't keep up with my life and am always feeling on the edge of spiraling out of control. Well, here I am. Knee deep in a brand new project, feeling out of sorts in all other aspects. And for why? Again. I dunno.

I painted the majority of this house while pregnant with Ian. Alex was about 1-1 1/2 at the time and one of the most common questions she had at that time was, 'Watcha doin Mom? Paint'n? A whole year + later, she said it to me again this weekend. Only this time, she got to help. Lucky for her our carpeting eventually needs to be replaced and I'm not worrying about a coupla drips here, a coupla drips there.

In other Alex news, she officially 'mooned' Sean for the first time. I don't know WHERE she got it but she full on dropped her panties and said, 'Daddy, look at my bum!' Then she proceeded to giggle incessantly while we tried to stifle our laughs and urge her that was a little inappropriate...tee hee.

She got to spend a few hours with Nanna and PopPop on Saturday which was quite a treat. My mom & dad took down the boxes and boxes of Barbie stuff from the attic. Talk about a blast from the past. My heart was happy and sad at the same time. Happy that Alex get's to play with this stuff but sad that it may be weird if I did. For the first time, she noticed the wall of high school mug shots in my parents hallway. This shrine of poster size portraits of myself and my sisters eat up an entire wall. Her comments were, "Mom was really big in high school" and "Why does she have such big and crazy hair". So what if I had big bangs, some curled perfectly forward and the other half curled back. HOT. Today in the car she said, "Mom, why didn't you have any legs in high school?". I explained to her that photographs oftentimes show only part of a person, and then told her about my Glamour Shots head shot where I wore the American Flag coat. That reminds me I do need to raid my mom's photo closet, steal it, and burn that one. I wouldn't want that rearing it's ugly head when I become president someday.


Ian...oh Ian. I can't WAIT to post a picture of him in his Halloween costume. No hints, but let's say when we tried it on today I realized I haven't laughed that hard in months...and months. SO. Funny. I'll take your guesses. He's a ton of fun right now. He is now saying 'Thank You' at all appropriate times. Even at 5 am this morning when I handed him a bottle in his crib, he muttered 'Kee Koo'. So sweet. He now points to his head, belly button and nose when asked. Usually lingering on the nose with his finger...up it. But nonetheless, he's learning his parts.

If I had to describe him in one word it would be INTENSE. He's intense busy, intense crazy, intense into everything, super happy, laughy and very unbearably LOUD. He screams all the time. Sometimes it's happy and..well, sometimes it's not, but no matter what it's embarrassing. We don't really go out to eat right now, and grocery shopping is done on the weekends when one of us can stay home. The noise that escapes him I swear will pierce your ears. It has mine. I find myself wondering if that because he's deaf in one ear he can't quite hear it like we can. Today I heard Sean from the other room mumble, "Buddy, that scream is really get'in me down". My mom says it will pass. God willing, it will so we can take him out in public again. Despite the screech, I have never felt so in love with this child.

Well, I've written a small novel and am now going to join Sean & Alex for movie night. It's Bee Movie, and all I ask is that I don't fall asleep before Alex does.