Wednesday, January 19, 2011


You're in the 5th grade and you repeatedly trace the name of the boy to your left into your peechie folder. And you think you know what love is.

You dance with your highschool sweetheart at Prom, and you think you know what love is.

You meet the person you're going to marry and you're well on your way to knowing what love is.

You watch the person you marry, hold their first child. And now you can see what love is.

And then one day, you sit down with your two kids at a dirty table in red robin and you glance over to find them snuggled up to that person you married and love does not begin to explain it.

Two Months in a Nutshell, a REALLY BIG NUTSHELL.


I'm not sure where to begin, and part of me, the 'always wanting to be on top of things' part of me wants to go back and thoroughly document all the amazing moments since my last post. Yet, the same part of me knows it's just not going to happen so we are going to abbreviate. HIGHLIGHTS:

**In October, we had an amazing visit from Sean's brother, sister, and brother's super awesome girlfriend that we got to meet for the first time. We had a lot of fun hanging out, playing a rousing game of Cranium, heading out for dinner, and showing them a bit of our beloved P-Town.

**Beginning December 5th, I celebrated my 10 year anniversary with Nike. What do you get for working a consecutive 10 years at Nike you ask? A 5 week sabbatical people. Five freaking fantastic weeks with NO ALARM CLOCK. I can't quite describe in words what this time off meant to me. It was a gift that I'm still (after two weeks back to work) trying not to squash because the transition back has been nothing short of hard. It's like waking up from an hour long facial by way of a swift slap to the face if I'm being honest. And I'm still holding my cheek going, WTF?

**As a gift to myself and my poor enduring husband who puts up with my foulness 9 months of the rainy, cold and dreary year we kicked off my sabbatical with a trip to Hawaii. We traveled bravely with our good friends and their two kids for an 8 person week of fun in sunny Maui. It was fantastic, it would have been more fantastic had 4 of the 8 not acquired the stomach flu during our stay but we made the best of it. Better to be sick in Hawaii, right? I'd love to post an entire book on our fun there and maybe someday I will but my emotional state is too fragile to go to that happy place for fear of drowning in a sea of self pity that it's over, and the next time I feel warmth is still 5 months away. Side note: Last week I was upset with Sean for calling me 'dramatic'. I intend to apologize for that this evening.

**The next 4 weeks are a blur. What I do know, is I spent them doing what I wanted. I made no commitments to people. I planned no more than 24 hours in advance and I did what I usually DON'T get to do and that is be the mom I've always wanted. I played with my kids, I baked Christmas cookies (they were terrible, but so), I had play dates and got on the floor to build airplanes with tinker toys and dress barbies. I did laundry and grocery shopped on weekdays which left time on the weekends for good quality family time. I allowed people into my home without the intense embarrassment and shame I feel over the tornado path that is usually our abode. We attended some Blazer games, and had dinner with friends. And for the first time in years, I did not end each day with a headache and neck pain.

**We had a very memorable and relaxed Christmas. There is nothing like some good quality family time to bring perspective to what is important in life.

**A final highlight for me was hammering out some unfinished projects around the house. I started the massive project of remodeling our master bathroom. I organized and re-painted the kid's playroom and did artsy fartsy crafty sorts of things that my mind and body crave on a daily basis.

**Last but not least, I died my hair red. Drastic, yes. Platinum blonde to Auburn'y brown Red. Jury is still out on whether it will stick around. I still shock myself when I look in the mirror and wonder where the heck I am, but something deep inside was begging for change. So I changed.

And now? It's all over. Reality is here and I miss my kids something FIERCE. It's like the first weeks you leave your kids at daycare when returning to work after maternity leave. I know this feeling. And I know it will subside with time, but I'm not gonna lie. IT SUCKS.

The good news is, in 5 years time I'll have another 5 weeks off that I'll kick off with a public burning of my jerk of an alarm clock and maybe at that time I'll finish the war zone that is our bathroom. Here's hoping I make it...