Has anyone seen my baby?

Well, me neither.


Last night, Ian slept in a 'big boy' bed for the first time. I took his crib rail down yesterday and he slept in his toddler bed no problem at nap. I found him like this just fifteen minutes after I left his room.

Now if we could just lose the binky and the diaper...One thing at a time. This momma has had just about all the change she can manage for one day. The evening bedtime was not much worse, he only got out of bed twice but took nearly an hour and a half to fall asleep. Must have been the excitement of it all. I could tell when he hopped out by the sound of his voice on the monitor. Twice I came upstairs and asked what he was doing. His response? "I'm not doing nothing MOM", in his super tough guy voice standing all cute in the middle of his room, buddy (his snuggle blanket) in hand. How can you possibly be mad at that?

I'm sure the nights to follow will be tough as they were with Alex. We'll probably end up locking him in at some point, while he kicks the door screaming as though he's being tortured. I am constantly baffled by the fact that my two favorite things in life, eating & sleeping are the most difficult battles with some kids. Really? You don't want to lie in your bed for hours and hours and hours and hours? And why little person, with no body image issues or need for dieting do you insist on eating just 5 different items? OVER AND OVER? Really, I don't get it. Well, more to come on that I'm sure. I'm looking forward to what lies ahead which includes travelling without a portacrib, acquiring a monstrosity piece of bunk bed furniture to accommodate out of town guests, and freeing up the crib for baby #3.

I'm totally kidding. Sean, if your reading...HA HA?

Sean and I have been laughing at the two kids in how they are like me, or how they are like him. Alex sleeps exactly like Sean, mouth open, lying on her back with her hands crossed on her chest as though she's in a coffin. Ian, sleeps just like me, on his side or stomach with blankets and pillows always over his head. Alex shares my sense of humor and finds people falling hilarious. Of course, when they don't get hurt. We are both freakishly entertained by cars slowly sliding into each other on news coverage like 'WINTER BLAST 09' OR 'THE BIG FREEZE OF 08' (also obviously, when nobody is hurt). I first realized this similarity when she was 8 months old and I would find her giggling incessantly while watching 'Funniest Home Videos'.

And now, 4 years later she is still cracking me up with her sense of humor. Yesterday, she dropped to the floor in Target laughing hysterically at a leopard print 'Snuggy' (which I find to be the funniest yet most ingenious invention since the Flowbee. She laughed her head off the entire shopping trip, mumbling things like 'It's a blanket...but a shirt' mwhahahaha or 'it has a hood and arms...but it's a blanket and it has animal print!' mwahahahaha. Oh I'm so proud. Little does she know I'm gonna get her one for Christmas...video camera will be armed and ready to capture that moment.

Momma Called the Dr. and the Dr. Said...

I tried. I really really did. I've been teetering on the brink of sanity, having mild panic attacks that I can't take my kids into their doctor and get them the H1N1 vaccine, the swine, or hog flu or whatever you want to call it. I'm trying not to obsess, I've calmed down on the hand sanitizer, and I realize that health professionals are saying it's no worse than the regular flu. The fact is-it's spreading quicker, it's affecting more people, and I have a 4 year old that spent her first year tied to a breathing machine. She had pneumonia twice, RSV once and I want her, I need her, to have every protection she can. And let's be honest, any opportunity I have to obsess about something, I will. I'm on the way to recovery as at least I'm admitting it.

Today I heard of an H1N1 vaccine clinic just two blocks from my house. I called the kids primary physician to see if they had any yet and was told to go where I could, as soon as I could as they did not expect a shipment for some time. They also urged me to do my best as they have seen an increased number of flu victims in the last week. Within an hour, I had packed up my stuff and left work 2 hours early in a fatal attempt to just MAYBE be there in time to get my two babies 2 of the 700 vaccines on the premises.

Fail.

After 2 1/2 hours in line we were dismissed. A line that wrapped around the school, around the soccer field and down the block. People in masses with their precious little people, hoping for just some sense of comfort. So here I am, I'm so exhausted. It was a long busy work day, and a long cold afternoon. Ian fell near 50 times and was filthy, he also got his head stuck in one of the soccer nets. Overall, the kids were troopers and I only owe Alex one 'littlest pet shop' toy as reward for both her bravery and her patience. I talked up the shot so much that when we were turned away, she was actually disappointed too. She didn't even question my tears on our way home as I think she was fighting her own. Bless her.

We'll try again this Saturday.



In other 'good' news, we had our family pictures taken last weekend. Here is one of the shots. I think this is totally worth the early rise and the cold morning we spent up at Washington Park.


Still no news on the Ian 'Potty Training' front. The boy has no interest. I've resorted to buying 'Choo-Choo train' pee targets. These are little pieces of paper you toss in the toilet in hopes that your son (usually harder to train) can try to 'aim' at it. Still, no interest. He only wants to grab it out, or flush it down.

Speaking of flushing, Ian has developed quite a temper lately. We are working on funneling this 'energy' and luckily he has found a way to release the angst and has resorted to running to the nearest bathroom and flushing the toilet. He feels so much better after. Some people punch a wall, others scream, I've seen kids (Alex) run around looking for the perfect soft place to throw their bodies down and kick and scream. Ian? Flushes toilets. To each his own.

Alex has been bit with the reading bug. She's very into learning how to read. I went to the library and got some 'early readers' and she is blowing my mind. She has been gifted with Sean's photographic memory so I fear she may have a hard time learning phonics and instead just memorizes words, but whatever works. She's having a great time, and is so proud of herself. I just love seeing her smile and her self pride in this new challenge. She is currently in gymnastics and swim lessons and LOVES swimming even though she is not naturally gifted. Most teachers call her a 'sinker', not in front of her of course but she does her best, tries so hard and is the best back floater in the class.

We had a great Halloween this year. Alex was a 'pretty princess butterfly', she called it. Ian was Yoda, again. It's a great costume and it still fits so whatever. Best said by The Rolling Stones, 'you can't always get whatcha want'. He wanted to be Batman. Maybe next year. He was happy with his light saber and screamed STAR WAAAARS all night.

It was a fun night, we spent it with friends and friends of friends and traveled the neighborhood as a large amoeba of costumes and candy.

Just a few knee slappers

It's been one of those weeks where I swear, EVERYTHING makes me laugh. I'm blaming it on my water consumption (a personal challenge to get out the coke and get in the H20), or the high doses of vitamins I've been taking to ward off H1N1. But seriously, I have a few funnies to share.



The first, has already been published on facebook, but still it has me laughing. Last week, while Sean was in DC for work I was plowing my way solo through the bedtime routine. Baths, teeth brushing, getting Ian to have an interest in the toilet, hair brushing, STORY TIME. As Ian stood naked at the sink brushing his teeth (a new favorite), I helped him along brushing the back ones when I found low and behold his 2 year molars poking through. I got a bit excited. I said 'Wow Ian, look at that! They are coming in!'



Alex's response? 'What Mom, his wiener hairs?'





I truly have no idea. And I choose not to question it, as it's just one of the many funny things she says on a daily basis.



Like yesterday, when she asked me what that thing in her room is. 'You know Mom, that thing on my dresser you turn on when I have the chokes?' 'The chokes?' I said, 'It's a humidifier, and it's for when you have a cough'.



Her and I also had an argument this week as I was clipping her nails. I said, 'Wow, you have a hangnail'. She replied, 'No Mom, it's a skin ripper'. OK.



Sean, (my first baby) also had a funny this week. We were cruising around town, having one of those 'bed bath & beyond/home depot/Costco' sorta Saturdays when he asked me what kind of car was in front of us. I have this strange knack in remembering all cars, make and model. It's a random obsession of mine, don't ask. Anyway, he said 'It's not quite an SUV and not really a mini-van?' I said, 'Yes, it's a Buick Enclave and they call them crossovers.' His reply? 'Crossing over into UGLY'. Of course the whole car had a laugh out of that. The funniest part? We pretty much have a 'crossover' ourselves. Niiiiiccce.

Ian should not be left out, he is quite proud (as he should be) when he uses the toilet. He looks forward to his skittle reweard and very exuberantly ALWAYS exclaims, 'I'm so proud of you MOM!' when he's done and always has to call SOMEONE, whether it be Sean or PopPop to tell them 'I PEE!'

Little people, little brains. It's so freaking adorable.

For anyone interested, we have some Chip news. Yes, we still sorta love him although the love is deeper some days than others. Most recently, we have learned that he has been sneaking up on to the couch at night after we go to bed. As if the over-priced, Sherpa covered, and down filled dog bed is NOT SOFT ENOUGH! With some super sluething, we have found that about 20 minutes after we go upstairs he stands, stretches and climbs right on up there. The next morning, when Sean's alarm clock goes off we can hear him jump down and go back to his bed. Super sneaky eh? Well, we are on to him and have begun piling baby gates, brooms and benches on the couch at night. The first night we did that, he woke up VERY salty the next day obviously perturbed.

Further more, we invested some money in some aesthetically pleasing backyard gates and fences to keep him in his 'own area' to avoid the trampling of our grass and shrubs. Well, the last two days the dirty rat has dug himself out leaving him food and water-less the rest of the day. How can such a calculated and coniving nighttime dog be such a dumbass during the day? Who's idea was it to get a dog again? Oh, yes. Mine.

Ian Bian and his bum ear...

Ian's first week was tumultuous at best. He came into the world, upside down, with an intestinal blockage, and one bum ear. When he was whisked from my arms and transported to OHSU in an infant ambulance I (of course) thought the worst. His week long stay at Doernbecher hospital was agonizing. His full term 8lb body lay next to teeny tiny preemies weight in at 2lbs. Doctors would come in groups for rounds and speak about him as if we weren't sitting there wondering when and if he would eat, or poop, or pee or something.

After several days, his blockage cleared without the need for surgery and we were finally released to go home. Over the course of the week, with bigger fish to fry so to speak. We never paid attention to three consecutive hearing test failures in his left ear. So now, 2 + years later we see specialists at Doernbecher to monitor his hearing loss. Friday was his most recent appointment.

All tests were conclusive to prior, his right ear is great. His left ear is not. He can only hear sounds at 80-90 decibels which translated may be the loud hum of a vacuum...Eureka not Dyson. Even still if your yelling, singing or talking right up next to him he will not be able to decipher what your saying, from that ear.

Fortunately, and as most of you know that spend time with him. An outsider would never guess he has hearing loss. In fact, I go days and days forgetting he has this impairment because frankly, he's not impaired. His speech, behavioral and developmental skills are right on par (if not advanced according to me). For months we had an intervention woman come to the house to check in on his progress, track his development and recently she decided her visits were not needed and probably a waste of our time. As Ian was doing just great.



He struggles with spacial location and may have trouble with Marco Polo, or hide and seek as Alex giggles from behind the desk chair. I have to remember to put the phone up to his right ear when he chats, and every day for all his life he will speak on the phone on his right side. We will have to be careful to teach him about crossing the street and REALLY looking both ways as he would not hear a car coming from his left. He'll probably have to sit closer to the front and school. He tends to turn the volume up on the radio and tv louder than necessary, and I'm learning to come to terms with that. The boy LOVES music, and is happiest with a loud bass THUMP in the car. He loves to dance and has remarkable rhythm.

His hearing loss is rare. It's a combination of cochlear and nerve damage. Probably a genetic defect of sorts, and we are not sure if a hearing aid or cochlear implant will help. For now, we monitor his progress and continue to test primarily to ensure that right ear stays 100%. As he gets older his tests become more involved and Friday he had is first successful testing session where he was able to pick up and answer the questions. The doctors were so impressed with his cooperation, his lovely nature and happy personality and spent the entire session giggling at his funniness and were in awe of his speech.

I felt compelled to write about his hearing loss as for the first time in two years, I left his appointment feeling such an overwhelming sense of thanks. I felt blessed that with all the things our kids could be born or afflicted with, THIS is all he had to endure. Sure it will be hard, and we wonder if his little athletic self who was born to play football will be able to hear calls through his football helmet or if he'll hear his carefully picked name 'Ian Patrick Kolmer on the tackle' over the loud speaker. Of course, if he chooses to play Chess, or pick up an instrument we'll be fine with that too. But, as I walked into OHSU, his little self walking next to me, chattering away about his shoes that were 'too tight mom', I felt so thankful.

I saw him looking at the other children. Most of them in wheelchairs. Many of them probably oblivious to our presence, some that couldn't speak or hear at all. We are so lucky. He is so lucky and I hope that he always feels that way. What an amazing reality check I had that day. Two beautiful and healthy children. I think I often take this gift for granted as I complain about tantrums, or 4 year old sassy talk. The 24 hour intense care that some children need and parents of those children tirelessly and relentlessy provide to them is remarkable. The money spent, the sleepless nights, the endless worry they endure...my mind was so full as I roamed those halls. My heart so heavy. The next time I feel overwhelmed, I will remember that moment.

Welp, the kids are playing hide and seek now and Ian is wandering around looking for his sister. I'm going to go and point him in the right direction...

I feel a list coming on!

So-as part of my effort to become more 'optimistic' if you will, and to focus on the positive stuff. I'm in true Carrie fashion, making a list. But this time it's not a list of 'to-do's', but a list of 'to-did's'... or something. Basically, instead of lamenting all the things I have yet to do, I'm going to celebrate all I accomplished over this past weekend.

1. I went to dinner with my husband, alone. We shared words without the background sound of a 2 & 4 year old, amongst a very uninhabited restaurant in the Pearl which used to be cool 'back in the day' but is now evidently 'played'. Regardless, it was lovely. Even though we talked about the 'loud kids' that prevent us from talking most of the time.

2. I grocery shopped.

3. I shipped a package I'd been meaning to ship.

4. I finally bought photo mailers for some pics being sent out East.

5. I laundered many loads of laundry, many.

6. I found a receipt I had been hunting for the last 3 weeks so I could return an impulse buy I later regretted.

7. I applied for a new job.

8. I unloaded all the sand from the the kids sandbox. I moved the sandbox, and re-loaded it. Oh, also I re-upholstered the cover and re-stained it for winter.

9. I had brunch with two of my best gals.

10. I spent a gift card at Anthro and only had to pay an extra $2 for my purchases. (a big win)

11. I PLANTED 15 SHRUBS. (a back ache to prove it)

12. I spent some good quality time with the kids and realized that my favorite thing about Ian right now is how he says, 'what are you doing there?' like...'whaaaa doin daaarrrre?'.

12. I swept and vacuumed the entire downstairs twice. Thanks Chip Chip..love you long time.

13. I (along with Sean) took the kids and my nephew to see 'Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs'. Despite the woman in front of us with the obnoxious guffaw, and the multiple people with Obvious H1N1 surrounding us (sniff sniff, cough cough SNEEZE), it was a good flick and the kids enjoyed it.

14. I cleaned out my purse. And that's a big deal.

15. I went through the kids clothing and pulled out the 'too smalls' and the 'too tattered's'.

16. One day I even took my vitamins, a task I put on my daily 'to do's' and never complete.

So, that's it in a nutshell. Look what I did! And I'm not even thinking about all the stuff I didn't get done. Okay, I am. But I think this was therapy enough for a week.

Da Nu Nu Nu Nu Nu BATMAN!

Maybe we've been super busy with summer events, weddings, and mini weekend trips. Maybe, I have a heavy mind and heart regarding work and life, or maybe I just have been feeling a bit 'un-bloggy' but I realize I have missed the documentation of many things the past few weeks and months. I started this blog with the sole purpose of removing the pang of guilt I have over not writing in the kids baby books, and over not saving their first lock of curls, and not finding the time to artistically organize their photos into a lovely keepsake scrapbook like I did for Alex her first year.

So now that the clouds are rolling in and the rain is imminent, I hereby vow to funnel my seasonal depression into a number of winter projects. First and foremost keeping up on this blog, that I swear I will one day bind into a lovely book for my kids that will either be a successful form of birth control, or will give them an insight into parenthood and their mom that no photo album could. I also plan to make a first year scrapbook for Ian so that one day as most 2nd or 3rd children do (not sure what he'll be) he cannot complain that he was left out, or I didn't treat him the same, or that GASP I don't love him as much because I didn't labor for hours over an over priced album filled with over-priced paper and stickers. I JUST WON'T HAVE THAT. My 3rd and final goal for this winter, is to stop and breathe. I've come to realize I'm always moving too fast, I'm always focused on the next event or project, or PLAN. And apparently, my kids are growing up faster than I can write about it. So this fall, and this winter I'm going to make experiences for them, and us, and me that I can write about. And that will keep me positive and living life despite the drear. Because the drear that envelopes our lovely pacific northwest has a tendency to suck the living spark right out of my soul.

So, on that note- Yesterday, I popped into Target for a few necessities. I had my two kids and my nephew Caden. We were perusing the store, and taking our time when the kids spotted the costume section. OH BOY. It's no secret in our family that these three children are beyond loud. And they did NOT disappoint when they saw three whole aisles of costumes. You would have thought we were at Disneyland and ALL the characters were lined up waiting to meet these kids, or that they were just told they could eat all the candy they wanted all day everyday for the rest of their lives.

Caden's favorite was Darth Vadar, and Alex pleaded incessantly for the Tinkerbell which I assured her we could duplicate with the 1 trillion princess dress ups we had at home. Ian sat silently gazing at all the choices and would point and ask what was what?, who's that? but never got overly excited for anything in particular. I told him he would probably still fit into Yoda from last year as I'm all about saving a buck or 30 these days and for those of you that have perused the costumes, you know that 30 is not an exaggeration.

I assured the kids we had a whole month to decide, and we'd come back after looking through our costume bag at home. Well, this morning Ian graced me with his lovely presence right before I left for work (which I LOVE) as most days I don't get to see the kids until I pick them up from school. And as I finished getting ready, Ian and I shared a conversation.

Ian: Mom, Batman. ME.

Me: You want to be Batman for Halloween?

Ian: YES, BATMAN. Woont dat be AWWEEESSOME?

Me: That would be SO awesome!

( I hum the batman theme song, pick him up and fly him around the room)

Ian: So Awesome.

A few minutes later, he proceeds to tell me how this blanket is his favorite and that the shirt in the closet matches Pop Pop's truck? I can't believe how he talks as it feels like just yesterday he was curled up in a ball on my chest....weighing in at 10 pounds. And now, three times that. He's blowing my mind, warming my heart, and making me ache for my babies. Or lack thereof.

In Alex news, she blew our socks off this weekend when we were at a trip to Oak's Park with friends. Her timid, and slightly neurotic little self marched her 4 year old rear ALL the way up the giant slide ALL BY HERSELF. This shocked me as I was sure she'd get to the top and freak out, or panic, or topple over and fall headfirst down the entire slide, but no. Seeing her march up those stairs with her burlap bag tucked under her arm put me into such a stupor I couldn't even manage to pull out the camera and get proof that this happened. But we have witnesses. It's for real. She sat her lil' bum right down on that bag and the smile on her face as she reached the bottom was priceless. The giant praises and 'high fives' she got from Sean and I, and all our friends followed by this total look of confidence almost made me cry. My baby girls growing up!

So anyway, change of lunch plans today. I was gonna hit the bank but I'm thinking a trip to Target is in order. I do not want them running out of those Batman costumes in Ian's size. $19.99 seems like just pennies in my pocket to make a young boys dreams come true. This Halloween is gonna be AWWWEESSOME!

Just another manic Monday...

After hearing screams, shrieks and tussling from the other room I step in as 'fight breaker upper extroidinaire' and...

Me: Ian, give Alex her princess picture back. (Her most recent art project from school)

Ian: No, It's Trash.