Friday, October 24, 2014

what do you do when it comes for you?

for weeks, i've been pumping my family full of vitamins. like clockwork they all open their mouths twice a day and semi willingly accept the gummies. vitamin D, C, Echinacea, Zinc, and my new obsession ElderBerry Syrup. the kids love it, because they taste good. sean, is probably drawing up divorce papers as i type because i'm quite sure..if he could change one thing about me it might be my mild case of hypochondrism and i say mild but really mean annoyingly extreme.

we made it thru our vacation which was my biggest worry. we were all healthy as horses on our week long super amazing and fun trip to disneyworld, epcot and universal studios. someday soon, i'll post about it because it deserves more than an 'i'm sick and bored' post. miraculously, it's also not close week at work which is typically when i get sick because you know...why ever make it easy?

so here i am, despite all efforts. SICK.

what does one do when they've fallen ill? i mean, after they've sufficiently felt sorry for themselves and whined, and gone over ALL the things they should be doing instead of laying on their couch that is surrounded by laundry and kids homwork? where your work computer, tucked halfway under the couch  is burning red daggers into your pounding head? you attempt to lift your body and be productive, that's what you do. and you fall back down because your body feels like it's been fed thru a meat grinder and you wince and roll over and you reflect.

you reflect on the last couple of weeks that feel like a blur but also a marathon and you wonder exactly when you have laid down like this during the day. or ever really. because these days, you think you might actually fall asleep before hitting the pillow and laying down is just something that you assume happens between that zombie walk to bed and the beep of the alarm clock.

it's no wonder you fall ill. sometimes i think it's just something that happens to make you stop. to make you sleep. to make you take care of yourself for once.

so for two days i reflected. i also watched a lot of tv. i also realized how really truly annoying my dog was when i found my aching body struggling to make room for him on the couch and worried as i tossed and turned i would interrupt his precious sleep. i also realized as i tried to nap (which i'm terrible at) that my dog will pace and whine each and every time a passerby walks by our house. and also when the mailman comes. and also when the garbage man comes. and also when it rains. or there is wind. or just because it's thursday at 10am.

i also realized how truly dependent i am on routine. and that i'm actually uncomfortable with the act of not doing 20 things at once. there is very little time in my life un-planned. or where there is just one task at hand. where I don't know exactly where I will be and what i will be doing and when. it's mostly the same every day. the time i get up, when i leave the house, the commute, the work, the commute home, the evening routine with kids. i could do it with my eyes closed. i probably mostly do. a zombie would do well with this routine. same thing, over and over. stumbling, arms out-stretched, trying not to drop a ball...and surviving.

so there was something refreshing about falling ill. it's like, what ever will i be doing at 2:17 this afternoon. NOBODY KNOWS. i could be laying here on the couch on my left side, or maybe my right! i could be standing in front of the fridge with no real appetite but knowing i should eat something. i could be fumbling thru magazines, or sleeping! SLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! it's amazing what a little ambiguity will do for the soul.

what i found myself doing after i'd watched a season and a half of 'meet the midwife', two average movies on amazon prime, and ellen, while intermittently taking 17 cat naps was blogging. so stay tuned, because unfortunately i'm feeling better and have to go back to work but i wrote two halfway blogs. maybe i'll get a massive cold/sinus infection soon and i can finish.

we can hope.

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