Monday, November 14, 2011

hey, if your one of those 'tmi' accusers. go away now, save yourself, and do not read below.

there is no such thing as 'tmi' once you have kids. conversations between you and your spouse, significant other, and friends are typically about bodily fluids, poop, and that 'unidentified' rash on your kids behind.

so before i continue, you've been warned. this post is about poop, unidentified substances, and the kind of farts that send you jumping out of your chair at dinner because well. that's what happened.

yesterday i got my hair done. which means sean was left to his own devices with both kids for a few hours. god bless him he took them out and ran a few errands and being the great father he is, treated them to some ice cream at the mall. he took them to this place for a tasty treat.

fast forward to 5:45 pm where our little family of four is enjoying a 3 course meal of chicken, brown rice, and squash (see I'm health conscious like that) when alex jumps up from the table, runs into the bathroom and within 5 seconds emits a sound that rivals harry's explosive diarrhea episode on 'dumb and dumber' and leaves us with the same facial expression you get after watching the clip on 'along comes polly' after rueben eats the spicy food. you get my drift. it was bad.


in my head, i'm battling a mixture of 'oh my gosh, she is sick and how will i now handle the logistics of the week. will i have to call in sick? sean is in late meetings all week, and everything is going to sh*t, literally' mixed with a little bit of 'oh my poor baby'.

i get up and run in and what escapes my mouth then, only sean could remember because the shock of what I saw may or may not have caused memory loss.

neon. blue. diarrhea.

i am not kidding. it was NEON BLUE. I gasped and called for sean to quickly come. this was not normal, nor right and we MUST CALL DOCTOR NOW.

after the episode we sit back to the table, obviously we've all lost our appetite when within 5 more minutes ian jumps up from the table and runs to the bathroom. after emitting the same sound and the same end result i'm now convinced my family has contracted the plague and a quarantine should now be in effect.

so i did what any panic stricken mother would do and scarily grilled them on what they put into their mouths that day.

and that's when sean told me about maggie moo and the 'cotton candy' ice cream.

after 20 minutes of google'ing 'blue neon poop' and 'maggie moo diarrhea' i learn by way of 'yelp reviews' that the cotton candy ice cream at maggie moo's (although so yum and tastes JUST LIKE REAL COTTON CANDY) can cause alarming blue poo.

it should say that on your receipt or something, because damn if i didn't shave 5 years off my life for the shear panic that my kids were dying by way of 'the blue death'. after 12 hours of some repeated trips to the toilet, and a night of severe gas and blue smurfskids on the undies i sent both of my healthy kids to school with the fear that the blue poo would be upon them once again.

so let this be a warning for those thinking of visiting maggie moo, she darn well causes the blue poo.