ian.
this child is an interesting fellow. just this week, sean and i looked across the room at each other after he'd done or said something so odd and did that thing we do when ian does something so odd (which is a lot) and we shook our heads and smirked at each other. both aware that we made him. and that our weirdness combined, made him. 'we are responsible for that' and we laugh.
he typically comes into the house like a whirlwind. kicking both shoes off in different directions and then stripping down to his underwear. if we are at home, it's all he's got on. otherwise, he's too hot. and the guy is ripped right now. he's super lean (the total opposite of 2 yr old ian) and he's got a 6 pack. it's weird. but, it matches his personality.
tonight, it was like pulling teeth to get ian to do his reading homework. and i say this because even getting him to lose his teeth, is like pulling teeth (i have to do it). the two teeth he's lost, I YANKED OUT because he can't be bothered with dangly bleeding chicklets. i digress.
ahem...tonight, we were painstakingly getting thru his reading homework while he giggled and laughed and failed to sound the words out. see, he'd rather make up sentences that sorta kinda go along with the picture. i was tired and done and ready for bed myself and with sean in DC and alex yelling from the other room that it was her turn i sorta kinda lost it.
'IAN, buddy. you need to focus. you know if you don't practice and take this seriously and learn to read you can't do much of anything in life'
'well sure i can mom, i don't need to read for anything. reading is not my thing math is. and basketball'.
'oh really? you need to know how to read to work and drive and well to READ. don't you want to read the paper? a book? road signs? subtitles on really cool foreign movies? what if you get lost, and need to read a map, or what about sports illustrated. dad reads that to play his fantasy football. what about that?'
'no'
'how are you gonna earn money to pay for food and shelter and clothes and fun stuff?'
'i'll just save up my christmas money for like 20 years'
'that's not enough sweetie, that will last you about 9 seconds and one lego toy set'
'well i'll just get a card'
'well, you have to have money in the bank to have a card'
'well, i'll just get married!'
'hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA'
'LET'S TRY AGAIN EH, BUDDY?'
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
High Low
you know that card game? high low? you're dealt a card and you have to choose if the next card will be higher or lower? i love that game. it's a game of chance, and prediction. there is strategy to it, but really you get what you get. i firmly believe that all people are essentially dealt different cards in life. and it's a complete cliche, but it's what you do with them that matters.
when the kids got old enough, we started playing 'high low' at the dinner table. not with cards, but with the events of the day. 'what was your high?' and 'what was your low?' it gave us a glimpse into their day and after some urging, we'd have them ask us the same questions. we don't have nearly enough time on a weekday to catch up, and sometimes i feel very disconnected from sean and the kids M-F but this game can keep us in tune with the best and worst of our happenings.
our life feels like one big high/low game right now. and i guess that's a good thing. you need low's to appreciate those high's, and vice versa. perspective. appreciation. empathy for others. it all comes from your experiences and how you perceive them. how you get thru them, and what you learn from them. i think sean and i are battling one of those times in our life where one day we will look back and say 'remember that time? that was hard'. it's nothing life threatening. everyone is healthy. things are just busy. we are stretched thin, our work life balance is not where it should be. i keep calling 'high' and the cards keeping coming in 'low'. does it mean we are unhappy? no, we are just tiiiiiiiiiiiired.
sean's job is busy. if i really added up how many hours he works in a week, i don't know. i'd lose count. he's just working so hard, and watching him is tiring. he's gone many evenings, and even when he's home? he goes back to work when i drag myself up to bed. i don't know how he does it. because all but one week a month, i work a relatively normal work schedule and i feel spent. and naturally, some of the tasks we used to share i try to pick up on my own. and i'm growing tired of the ground hogs day routine. get up, drop off kids, go to work, pick up kids, go home, make dinner, do homework, give showers, read to kids, say good night, clean up massive mess that just occurred from all of that, go to bed, wake up. repeat.
but thru this, i can always dig inside and find that high and low.
today my low was ian telling me i had about 70 lbs to lose. the guy has been joining me in some evening workout dvd time which is HILARIOUS and humbling because he kicks my ass in pretty much every drill and doesn't break a sweat. meanwhile, i'm stopping for water while he mocks me AND tells me to 'keep going mom!'. once, he said 'mom i can actually SEE your legs getting smaller'.
my high? it's a toss up. it might have been my dead quiet commute home. i've been getting in the habit of turning the radio off, and today my phone just happened to have died so i didn't hear a single call or text. and it was an hour of pure silence. a gift. just me and the open road (or the parking lot that is hwy 217). so it was either that, or these 15 minutes i've spent writing. because writing and painting (walls not canvas) are my therapy. and these days, i need all i can get.
speaking of therapy. and painting. coming soon, maybe a mid process laundry room / mudroom update. i've all but demolished the wallpaper laden sheetrock and we've torn up the linoleum floor. i'm 2 seconds (or two weeks) from completing the cabinets...it's looking like the house was set fire back there, but i can see it's future and it's breathtaking.
when the kids got old enough, we started playing 'high low' at the dinner table. not with cards, but with the events of the day. 'what was your high?' and 'what was your low?' it gave us a glimpse into their day and after some urging, we'd have them ask us the same questions. we don't have nearly enough time on a weekday to catch up, and sometimes i feel very disconnected from sean and the kids M-F but this game can keep us in tune with the best and worst of our happenings.
our life feels like one big high/low game right now. and i guess that's a good thing. you need low's to appreciate those high's, and vice versa. perspective. appreciation. empathy for others. it all comes from your experiences and how you perceive them. how you get thru them, and what you learn from them. i think sean and i are battling one of those times in our life where one day we will look back and say 'remember that time? that was hard'. it's nothing life threatening. everyone is healthy. things are just busy. we are stretched thin, our work life balance is not where it should be. i keep calling 'high' and the cards keeping coming in 'low'. does it mean we are unhappy? no, we are just tiiiiiiiiiiiired.
sean's job is busy. if i really added up how many hours he works in a week, i don't know. i'd lose count. he's just working so hard, and watching him is tiring. he's gone many evenings, and even when he's home? he goes back to work when i drag myself up to bed. i don't know how he does it. because all but one week a month, i work a relatively normal work schedule and i feel spent. and naturally, some of the tasks we used to share i try to pick up on my own. and i'm growing tired of the ground hogs day routine. get up, drop off kids, go to work, pick up kids, go home, make dinner, do homework, give showers, read to kids, say good night, clean up massive mess that just occurred from all of that, go to bed, wake up. repeat.
but thru this, i can always dig inside and find that high and low.
today my low was ian telling me i had about 70 lbs to lose. the guy has been joining me in some evening workout dvd time which is HILARIOUS and humbling because he kicks my ass in pretty much every drill and doesn't break a sweat. meanwhile, i'm stopping for water while he mocks me AND tells me to 'keep going mom!'. once, he said 'mom i can actually SEE your legs getting smaller'.
my high? it's a toss up. it might have been my dead quiet commute home. i've been getting in the habit of turning the radio off, and today my phone just happened to have died so i didn't hear a single call or text. and it was an hour of pure silence. a gift. just me and the open road (or the parking lot that is hwy 217). so it was either that, or these 15 minutes i've spent writing. because writing and painting (walls not canvas) are my therapy. and these days, i need all i can get.
speaking of therapy. and painting. coming soon, maybe a mid process laundry room / mudroom update. i've all but demolished the wallpaper laden sheetrock and we've torn up the linoleum floor. i'm 2 seconds (or two weeks) from completing the cabinets...it's looking like the house was set fire back there, but i can see it's future and it's breathtaking.
Monday, January 6, 2014
good intentions
i wish the mantra 'it's the thought that counts' applied to exercise. i wish that just the intention of working out, taking time for yourself, and putting yourself first gave you the results you wanted.
but no.
this morning, before i left for work, i threw some clothes and my gym shoes into a bag with the intent of going to the gym at lunch. all part of my 'happy new year' get my butt back to the gym or buy all new jeans plan. but i ended up leaving the house at 7, the time i should have been AT work to warrant a long lunch and when the back to work and back to school traffic turned my normally half hour commute into an hour...i knew there was no lunch work out in store for me.
so at that point, i spent the rest of the day catching up from christmas vacation and psyching myself up for an online barre3 class later that evening.
and at 5:00 when i left the office with a raging headache, i was still fully prepared to do this. it was happening. i pick the kids up at 6, head home, make them dinner, get their homework started, and i'm still prepared to take this damn class.
it's 7:15 and i have 45 minutes until 8 which is the time of day my body straight shuts down and needs to stop moving and thinking and doing anything it doesn't want to do so i have just 45 minutes and the clock is ticking. and alex needs to practice her recorder, and ian is over-tired and doing what he does when he's over-tired and talking about how much he misses his great pop-pop. and he reminds me how i've promised him a picture of great pop-pop and i never follow thru on my promises. and when sean tries to put the kids to bed for me so i can do this damn video alex melts down that i never tuck them in which is a lie. such a terrible lie, but the guilt tugs.
i've been away from them all day, and i have these two hours and how dare i take 40 minutes of that time and do something for me and my busted out jeans.
and i keep plugging. i made a promise to myself and so i setup the computer and spend 30 minutes looking for my hand weights and the barre3 ball and i find one weight. and i start to un-ravel because honest to god i feel like all i do is look for things and the walls of my house start closing in. and the pile of dishes, and laundry that needs putting away, and i try to do the video anyway because at this point i'm hard core doing this no matter what. and ian is fighting bed upstairs, and alex is blowing into her recorder and i can't hear the video and then the part comes where you have to use the ball and it's 7:54 and both kids are crying and i'm so tired and my head throbs on. and so i do what you do when the world is falling down around you.
i slam the computer down and cry for 10 minutes because no matter how hard i try. and i tried hard. making exercise a priority is near impossible and i'm angry.
if only being angry burned calories. and it's the angry that happens when you've only eaten 1200 calories because that's all i can eat when i don't exercise. so off to bed i go. tomorrow i get up an hour earlier. and i try again.
but no.
this morning, before i left for work, i threw some clothes and my gym shoes into a bag with the intent of going to the gym at lunch. all part of my 'happy new year' get my butt back to the gym or buy all new jeans plan. but i ended up leaving the house at 7, the time i should have been AT work to warrant a long lunch and when the back to work and back to school traffic turned my normally half hour commute into an hour...i knew there was no lunch work out in store for me.
so at that point, i spent the rest of the day catching up from christmas vacation and psyching myself up for an online barre3 class later that evening.
and at 5:00 when i left the office with a raging headache, i was still fully prepared to do this. it was happening. i pick the kids up at 6, head home, make them dinner, get their homework started, and i'm still prepared to take this damn class.
it's 7:15 and i have 45 minutes until 8 which is the time of day my body straight shuts down and needs to stop moving and thinking and doing anything it doesn't want to do so i have just 45 minutes and the clock is ticking. and alex needs to practice her recorder, and ian is over-tired and doing what he does when he's over-tired and talking about how much he misses his great pop-pop. and he reminds me how i've promised him a picture of great pop-pop and i never follow thru on my promises. and when sean tries to put the kids to bed for me so i can do this damn video alex melts down that i never tuck them in which is a lie. such a terrible lie, but the guilt tugs.
i've been away from them all day, and i have these two hours and how dare i take 40 minutes of that time and do something for me and my busted out jeans.
and i keep plugging. i made a promise to myself and so i setup the computer and spend 30 minutes looking for my hand weights and the barre3 ball and i find one weight. and i start to un-ravel because honest to god i feel like all i do is look for things and the walls of my house start closing in. and the pile of dishes, and laundry that needs putting away, and i try to do the video anyway because at this point i'm hard core doing this no matter what. and ian is fighting bed upstairs, and alex is blowing into her recorder and i can't hear the video and then the part comes where you have to use the ball and it's 7:54 and both kids are crying and i'm so tired and my head throbs on. and so i do what you do when the world is falling down around you.
i slam the computer down and cry for 10 minutes because no matter how hard i try. and i tried hard. making exercise a priority is near impossible and i'm angry.
if only being angry burned calories. and it's the angry that happens when you've only eaten 1200 calories because that's all i can eat when i don't exercise. so off to bed i go. tomorrow i get up an hour earlier. and i try again.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
crazyville
sometimes, i think i might be going crazy. like, i even have visions of seeing my own face on the news of that mom that finally cracked. because you see...i know what my brain is thinking all the time. sean can sometimes tell when he see's that slightly crazed look in my eyes or if i start storming around the house with obvious ADD half doing the million things that need to be done and huffing and puffing and sweating a little.
sean is one super amazing guy to not judge me. at least not out loud and to my face. i wonder often, what goes on in his brain sometimes.
i digress.
this morning (like most mornings and the reason i haven't slept in in FOREVER) my brain ticked on before the alarm.
and what it thought in roughly the span of 16 seconds was this:
i forgot to get the kids teachers a christmas treat and i have one more day-but i have a work thing til 9pm and can't do it-talk to sean about doing it-also talk to sean about picking up kids thursday since i have a work thing til 9pm-WORK make sure to get two weeks of work done in 1.5 days before vacation-oops, food drive, clothing drive, book bank donation $-did i remember to move the elf last night?-i have a christmas card left to mail but am short a stamp-i need dish soap-and body wash-and alex has no pants-we are late on a bank payment it's not showing up online-still need to call kids doctor for immunization records SCHOOL WILL MAKE THEM STAY HOME IF YOU DON'T-DOCTORS, they are both past due for well visits and dentists-me too!-need to return nike stuff-deposit check-omg we sold sean's car need to find a new one-girls scouts saturday need alex's uniform and baked good-CLOTHES! omg the clothes have been molding in the washer for 3 days-remember to ask dad about washer/think the drum is off center-need wrapping paper and tape-should i have carpets cleaned before or after christmas-CHRISTMAS...need a ham and to email family on what to bring-clean house-wash serving platters-napkins?-table setting ideas-my tree is still crooked-mail packages SERIOUSLY MAIL THE PACKAGES to east coast-return tile samples to lowe's-figure out what house poject to do over break-out of paint brushes, need wallpaper scraper, return home depot cabinet knobs, order cabinet knobs-laundry room floor needs cleaning real bad think the ant trap spilled goo-bonus room hasn't been vacuumed since we moved in-need more ant spray-figure out what animal is living in wall next to our bedroom-kill animal that is living in wall next to bedroom-email sean's mom back-organize desk in kitchen it's atrocious-wrap gifts-wrap everyone else's gifts who sent via amazon-need wrapping paper-already said that-ALARM RINGING PUSH SNOOZE still more things to do-email alex's book battle club parents back/arrange meeting-remind alex to read her book-alex wants a christmas break play date-ashley asked her to church/text her mom back-ian haircut-sean haircut-sean's last check stub erased vacation hours, did he figure that out?-what to get sean for christmas-forgot to give donation money for ian's school party-email his teacher i can't volunteer for his school party/must work-make it up to ian because i promised-stop making promises-order pictures-get frame for print in living room-does the tree have water? i moved the elf, I MOVED THE ELF!-has sean practiced her recorder i think she's tested tomorrow, did i say sean? i mean alex-wow, not sure we've returned library books and movies-or kids school library books-do the laundry and make sure the dirty clothes the kids threw on the clean bin get moved to dirty bin-take your vitamins and stop wondering why your so tired-anemia is gonna ruin your break-find car title-organize office papers-buy a small safe for our important docs-do we still have that shredder?-work out, it's been a year-close gym membership you haven't worked out in a year.
and then i got up, and went to work til 9pm. and guess what went threw my mind the next morning when my brain ticked on.
sean is one super amazing guy to not judge me. at least not out loud and to my face. i wonder often, what goes on in his brain sometimes.
i digress.
this morning (like most mornings and the reason i haven't slept in in FOREVER) my brain ticked on before the alarm.
and what it thought in roughly the span of 16 seconds was this:
i forgot to get the kids teachers a christmas treat and i have one more day-but i have a work thing til 9pm and can't do it-talk to sean about doing it-also talk to sean about picking up kids thursday since i have a work thing til 9pm-WORK make sure to get two weeks of work done in 1.5 days before vacation-oops, food drive, clothing drive, book bank donation $-did i remember to move the elf last night?-i have a christmas card left to mail but am short a stamp-i need dish soap-and body wash-and alex has no pants-we are late on a bank payment it's not showing up online-still need to call kids doctor for immunization records SCHOOL WILL MAKE THEM STAY HOME IF YOU DON'T-DOCTORS, they are both past due for well visits and dentists-me too!-need to return nike stuff-deposit check-omg we sold sean's car need to find a new one-girls scouts saturday need alex's uniform and baked good-CLOTHES! omg the clothes have been molding in the washer for 3 days-remember to ask dad about washer/think the drum is off center-need wrapping paper and tape-should i have carpets cleaned before or after christmas-CHRISTMAS...need a ham and to email family on what to bring-clean house-wash serving platters-napkins?-table setting ideas-my tree is still crooked-mail packages SERIOUSLY MAIL THE PACKAGES to east coast-return tile samples to lowe's-figure out what house poject to do over break-out of paint brushes, need wallpaper scraper, return home depot cabinet knobs, order cabinet knobs-laundry room floor needs cleaning real bad think the ant trap spilled goo-bonus room hasn't been vacuumed since we moved in-need more ant spray-figure out what animal is living in wall next to our bedroom-kill animal that is living in wall next to bedroom-email sean's mom back-organize desk in kitchen it's atrocious-wrap gifts-wrap everyone else's gifts who sent via amazon-need wrapping paper-already said that-ALARM RINGING PUSH SNOOZE still more things to do-email alex's book battle club parents back/arrange meeting-remind alex to read her book-alex wants a christmas break play date-ashley asked her to church/text her mom back-ian haircut-sean haircut-sean's last check stub erased vacation hours, did he figure that out?-what to get sean for christmas-forgot to give donation money for ian's school party-email his teacher i can't volunteer for his school party/must work-make it up to ian because i promised-stop making promises-order pictures-get frame for print in living room-does the tree have water? i moved the elf, I MOVED THE ELF!-has sean practiced her recorder i think she's tested tomorrow, did i say sean? i mean alex-wow, not sure we've returned library books and movies-or kids school library books-do the laundry and make sure the dirty clothes the kids threw on the clean bin get moved to dirty bin-take your vitamins and stop wondering why your so tired-anemia is gonna ruin your break-find car title-organize office papers-buy a small safe for our important docs-do we still have that shredder?-work out, it's been a year-close gym membership you haven't worked out in a year.
and then i got up, and went to work til 9pm. and guess what went threw my mind the next morning when my brain ticked on.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Ian's Room
ian wanted a black room. 'all black mom. floor, ceiling, walls, and all of it'. i shuddered, then i panicked, then i googled child therapy sure that i had a 'goth kid' on my hands. then, i worked with it. i met him in the middle.
literally.
kids rooms are always hard for me. it's like buying them clothes, they won't last forever. they will change, their 'likes' will change. they will grow up. i don't like themes. but i let it go a bit with ian's room. let him have a bit of a say. i'm learning to relinquish control in some areas. because it's exhausting otherwise.
i don't actually have a before pic of ian's room. mostly, because i thought it would be the guest room but we switched it up. but it looked more or less like this:
like all the other rooms in the house. off-white walls, brown trim, yellow'ish ceilings. ridiculously thick carpeting conducive to having kids and a black dog.
photos are a bit blurry because a) the lighting is bad in his room and b) chip licked my camera lens and I need to have it cleaned.
literally.
kids rooms are always hard for me. it's like buying them clothes, they won't last forever. they will change, their 'likes' will change. they will grow up. i don't like themes. but i let it go a bit with ian's room. let him have a bit of a say. i'm learning to relinquish control in some areas. because it's exhausting otherwise.
i don't actually have a before pic of ian's room. mostly, because i thought it would be the guest room but we switched it up. but it looked more or less like this:
like all the other rooms in the house. off-white walls, brown trim, yellow'ish ceilings. ridiculously thick carpeting conducive to having kids and a black dog.
photos are a bit blurry because a) the lighting is bad in his room and b) chip licked my camera lens and I need to have it cleaned.
 |
| Photo compliments of Christina Gilchrist |
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| Photo compliments of Christina Gilchrist |
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| Photo compliments of Christina Gilchrist |
Monday, November 11, 2013
impromptu & important
last week, my grandma sent out an email that her beach condo was open for veterans day weekend. we haven't been in...i might say years? we used to go quite a bit. but life just seems to somehow get busier, and the kids get more involved in sports and leaving for a weekend seems well, hard.
we decided to hell with hard, and 15 hours later than i'd hoped we hit the road. i must admit, i was a bit grumpy at first. after a long week, i spent my friday night doing laundry and packing and it once again felt like more work than it was worth. but saturday morning, once we were beach bound, those feelings gradually melted away.
there is something so awesome about hitting the road with just our little family. we are on our own time, nobody to answer to but us and every once in a while when life get's busy as it has for us lately... to take the time to reconnect is healing. for me, not being at home is the best way for me to spend quality time with my family unit because there, i notoriously find something to do. whether it be laundry, or some painting project.
so this weekend we played games. we read books. we watched movies. we played football on the grass. we walked and explored on the beach. the kids swam in the pool. we ate out, a lot. there was no 'just a minute's' and 'i'll be right there's' or 'i'll just do this, and then we can's'. it was whatever we felt like doing, exactly when the mood hit us. it's a treat, and something that doesn't happen too much.
it was wonderful. all of it but that one little incident where ian gave alex a bloody nose at 9pm from flailing around in bed. that was not cool. but otherwise, simply lovely.
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| Sean taught the kids how to play cribbage |
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| we were silly |
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| we searched for whales |
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| Sean ran drills with Ian |
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| we found weird things on the beach |
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| we skipped |
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| and got our feet wet |
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| because we were on our own, we had to set the timer for family pictures |
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| sometimes it worked out |
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| and sometimes...it didn't |
we had so much fun, i impromptu took monday off and we stayed another night.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Howlooweeeeeeeeen
halloween is always so much fun. the perfect excuse to throw all caution to the wind, wear weird stuff, eat a lot of garbage, say HELL NO to homework and a chance to pretend to stab your angel sister in the chest and get away with it.
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