you know that card game? high low? you're dealt a card and you have to choose if the next card will be higher or lower? i love that game. it's a game of chance, and prediction. there is strategy to it, but really you get what you get. i firmly believe that all people are essentially dealt different cards in life. and it's a complete cliche, but it's what you do with them that matters.
when the kids got old enough, we started playing 'high low' at the dinner table. not with cards, but with the events of the day. 'what was your high?' and 'what was your low?' it gave us a glimpse into their day and after some urging, we'd have them ask us the same questions. we don't have nearly enough time on a weekday to catch up, and sometimes i feel very disconnected from sean and the kids M-F but this game can keep us in tune with the best and worst of our happenings.
our life feels like one big high/low game right now. and i guess that's a good thing. you need low's to appreciate those high's, and vice versa. perspective. appreciation. empathy for others. it all comes from your experiences and how you perceive them. how you get thru them, and what you learn from them. i think sean and i are battling one of those times in our life where one day we will look back and say 'remember that time? that was hard'. it's nothing life threatening. everyone is healthy. things are just busy. we are stretched thin, our work life balance is not where it should be. i keep calling 'high' and the cards keeping coming in 'low'. does it mean we are unhappy? no, we are just tiiiiiiiiiiiired.
sean's job is busy. if i really added up how many hours he works in a week, i don't know. i'd lose count. he's just working so hard, and watching him is tiring. he's gone many evenings, and even when he's home? he goes back to work when i drag myself up to bed. i don't know how he does it. because all but one week a month, i work a relatively normal work schedule and i feel spent. and naturally, some of the tasks we used to share i try to pick up on my own. and i'm growing tired of the ground hogs day routine. get up, drop off kids, go to work, pick up kids, go home, make dinner, do homework, give showers, read to kids, say good night, clean up massive mess that just occurred from all of that, go to bed, wake up. repeat.
but thru this, i can always dig inside and find that high and low.
today my low was ian telling me i had about 70 lbs to lose. the guy has been joining me in some evening workout dvd time which is HILARIOUS and humbling because he kicks my ass in pretty much every drill and doesn't break a sweat. meanwhile, i'm stopping for water while he mocks me AND tells me to 'keep going mom!'. once, he said 'mom i can actually SEE your legs getting smaller'.
my high? it's a toss up. it might have been my dead quiet commute home. i've been getting in the habit of turning the radio off, and today my phone just happened to have died so i didn't hear a single call or text. and it was an hour of pure silence. a gift. just me and the open road (or the parking lot that is hwy 217). so it was either that, or these 15 minutes i've spent writing. because writing and painting (walls not canvas) are my therapy. and these days, i need all i can get.
speaking of therapy. and painting. coming soon, maybe a mid process laundry room / mudroom update. i've all but demolished the wallpaper laden sheetrock and we've torn up the linoleum floor. i'm 2 seconds (or two weeks) from completing the cabinets...it's looking like the house was set fire back there, but i can see it's future and it's breathtaking.