Ian Bian and his bum ear...

Ian's first week was tumultuous at best. He came into the world, upside down, with an intestinal blockage, and one bum ear. When he was whisked from my arms and transported to OHSU in an infant ambulance I (of course) thought the worst. His week long stay at Doernbecher hospital was agonizing. His full term 8lb body lay next to teeny tiny preemies weight in at 2lbs. Doctors would come in groups for rounds and speak about him as if we weren't sitting there wondering when and if he would eat, or poop, or pee or something.

After several days, his blockage cleared without the need for surgery and we were finally released to go home. Over the course of the week, with bigger fish to fry so to speak. We never paid attention to three consecutive hearing test failures in his left ear. So now, 2 + years later we see specialists at Doernbecher to monitor his hearing loss. Friday was his most recent appointment.

All tests were conclusive to prior, his right ear is great. His left ear is not. He can only hear sounds at 80-90 decibels which translated may be the loud hum of a vacuum...Eureka not Dyson. Even still if your yelling, singing or talking right up next to him he will not be able to decipher what your saying, from that ear.

Fortunately, and as most of you know that spend time with him. An outsider would never guess he has hearing loss. In fact, I go days and days forgetting he has this impairment because frankly, he's not impaired. His speech, behavioral and developmental skills are right on par (if not advanced according to me). For months we had an intervention woman come to the house to check in on his progress, track his development and recently she decided her visits were not needed and probably a waste of our time. As Ian was doing just great.



He struggles with spacial location and may have trouble with Marco Polo, or hide and seek as Alex giggles from behind the desk chair. I have to remember to put the phone up to his right ear when he chats, and every day for all his life he will speak on the phone on his right side. We will have to be careful to teach him about crossing the street and REALLY looking both ways as he would not hear a car coming from his left. He'll probably have to sit closer to the front and school. He tends to turn the volume up on the radio and tv louder than necessary, and I'm learning to come to terms with that. The boy LOVES music, and is happiest with a loud bass THUMP in the car. He loves to dance and has remarkable rhythm.

His hearing loss is rare. It's a combination of cochlear and nerve damage. Probably a genetic defect of sorts, and we are not sure if a hearing aid or cochlear implant will help. For now, we monitor his progress and continue to test primarily to ensure that right ear stays 100%. As he gets older his tests become more involved and Friday he had is first successful testing session where he was able to pick up and answer the questions. The doctors were so impressed with his cooperation, his lovely nature and happy personality and spent the entire session giggling at his funniness and were in awe of his speech.

I felt compelled to write about his hearing loss as for the first time in two years, I left his appointment feeling such an overwhelming sense of thanks. I felt blessed that with all the things our kids could be born or afflicted with, THIS is all he had to endure. Sure it will be hard, and we wonder if his little athletic self who was born to play football will be able to hear calls through his football helmet or if he'll hear his carefully picked name 'Ian Patrick Kolmer on the tackle' over the loud speaker. Of course, if he chooses to play Chess, or pick up an instrument we'll be fine with that too. But, as I walked into OHSU, his little self walking next to me, chattering away about his shoes that were 'too tight mom', I felt so thankful.

I saw him looking at the other children. Most of them in wheelchairs. Many of them probably oblivious to our presence, some that couldn't speak or hear at all. We are so lucky. He is so lucky and I hope that he always feels that way. What an amazing reality check I had that day. Two beautiful and healthy children. I think I often take this gift for granted as I complain about tantrums, or 4 year old sassy talk. The 24 hour intense care that some children need and parents of those children tirelessly and relentlessy provide to them is remarkable. The money spent, the sleepless nights, the endless worry they endure...my mind was so full as I roamed those halls. My heart so heavy. The next time I feel overwhelmed, I will remember that moment.

Welp, the kids are playing hide and seek now and Ian is wandering around looking for his sister. I'm going to go and point him in the right direction...

I feel a list coming on!

So-as part of my effort to become more 'optimistic' if you will, and to focus on the positive stuff. I'm in true Carrie fashion, making a list. But this time it's not a list of 'to-do's', but a list of 'to-did's'... or something. Basically, instead of lamenting all the things I have yet to do, I'm going to celebrate all I accomplished over this past weekend.

1. I went to dinner with my husband, alone. We shared words without the background sound of a 2 & 4 year old, amongst a very uninhabited restaurant in the Pearl which used to be cool 'back in the day' but is now evidently 'played'. Regardless, it was lovely. Even though we talked about the 'loud kids' that prevent us from talking most of the time.

2. I grocery shopped.

3. I shipped a package I'd been meaning to ship.

4. I finally bought photo mailers for some pics being sent out East.

5. I laundered many loads of laundry, many.

6. I found a receipt I had been hunting for the last 3 weeks so I could return an impulse buy I later regretted.

7. I applied for a new job.

8. I unloaded all the sand from the the kids sandbox. I moved the sandbox, and re-loaded it. Oh, also I re-upholstered the cover and re-stained it for winter.

9. I had brunch with two of my best gals.

10. I spent a gift card at Anthro and only had to pay an extra $2 for my purchases. (a big win)

11. I PLANTED 15 SHRUBS. (a back ache to prove it)

12. I spent some good quality time with the kids and realized that my favorite thing about Ian right now is how he says, 'what are you doing there?' like...'whaaaa doin daaarrrre?'.

12. I swept and vacuumed the entire downstairs twice. Thanks Chip Chip..love you long time.

13. I (along with Sean) took the kids and my nephew to see 'Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs'. Despite the woman in front of us with the obnoxious guffaw, and the multiple people with Obvious H1N1 surrounding us (sniff sniff, cough cough SNEEZE), it was a good flick and the kids enjoyed it.

14. I cleaned out my purse. And that's a big deal.

15. I went through the kids clothing and pulled out the 'too smalls' and the 'too tattered's'.

16. One day I even took my vitamins, a task I put on my daily 'to do's' and never complete.

So, that's it in a nutshell. Look what I did! And I'm not even thinking about all the stuff I didn't get done. Okay, I am. But I think this was therapy enough for a week.

Da Nu Nu Nu Nu Nu BATMAN!

Maybe we've been super busy with summer events, weddings, and mini weekend trips. Maybe, I have a heavy mind and heart regarding work and life, or maybe I just have been feeling a bit 'un-bloggy' but I realize I have missed the documentation of many things the past few weeks and months. I started this blog with the sole purpose of removing the pang of guilt I have over not writing in the kids baby books, and over not saving their first lock of curls, and not finding the time to artistically organize their photos into a lovely keepsake scrapbook like I did for Alex her first year.

So now that the clouds are rolling in and the rain is imminent, I hereby vow to funnel my seasonal depression into a number of winter projects. First and foremost keeping up on this blog, that I swear I will one day bind into a lovely book for my kids that will either be a successful form of birth control, or will give them an insight into parenthood and their mom that no photo album could. I also plan to make a first year scrapbook for Ian so that one day as most 2nd or 3rd children do (not sure what he'll be) he cannot complain that he was left out, or I didn't treat him the same, or that GASP I don't love him as much because I didn't labor for hours over an over priced album filled with over-priced paper and stickers. I JUST WON'T HAVE THAT. My 3rd and final goal for this winter, is to stop and breathe. I've come to realize I'm always moving too fast, I'm always focused on the next event or project, or PLAN. And apparently, my kids are growing up faster than I can write about it. So this fall, and this winter I'm going to make experiences for them, and us, and me that I can write about. And that will keep me positive and living life despite the drear. Because the drear that envelopes our lovely pacific northwest has a tendency to suck the living spark right out of my soul.

So, on that note- Yesterday, I popped into Target for a few necessities. I had my two kids and my nephew Caden. We were perusing the store, and taking our time when the kids spotted the costume section. OH BOY. It's no secret in our family that these three children are beyond loud. And they did NOT disappoint when they saw three whole aisles of costumes. You would have thought we were at Disneyland and ALL the characters were lined up waiting to meet these kids, or that they were just told they could eat all the candy they wanted all day everyday for the rest of their lives.

Caden's favorite was Darth Vadar, and Alex pleaded incessantly for the Tinkerbell which I assured her we could duplicate with the 1 trillion princess dress ups we had at home. Ian sat silently gazing at all the choices and would point and ask what was what?, who's that? but never got overly excited for anything in particular. I told him he would probably still fit into Yoda from last year as I'm all about saving a buck or 30 these days and for those of you that have perused the costumes, you know that 30 is not an exaggeration.

I assured the kids we had a whole month to decide, and we'd come back after looking through our costume bag at home. Well, this morning Ian graced me with his lovely presence right before I left for work (which I LOVE) as most days I don't get to see the kids until I pick them up from school. And as I finished getting ready, Ian and I shared a conversation.

Ian: Mom, Batman. ME.

Me: You want to be Batman for Halloween?

Ian: YES, BATMAN. Woont dat be AWWEEESSOME?

Me: That would be SO awesome!

( I hum the batman theme song, pick him up and fly him around the room)

Ian: So Awesome.

A few minutes later, he proceeds to tell me how this blanket is his favorite and that the shirt in the closet matches Pop Pop's truck? I can't believe how he talks as it feels like just yesterday he was curled up in a ball on my chest....weighing in at 10 pounds. And now, three times that. He's blowing my mind, warming my heart, and making me ache for my babies. Or lack thereof.

In Alex news, she blew our socks off this weekend when we were at a trip to Oak's Park with friends. Her timid, and slightly neurotic little self marched her 4 year old rear ALL the way up the giant slide ALL BY HERSELF. This shocked me as I was sure she'd get to the top and freak out, or panic, or topple over and fall headfirst down the entire slide, but no. Seeing her march up those stairs with her burlap bag tucked under her arm put me into such a stupor I couldn't even manage to pull out the camera and get proof that this happened. But we have witnesses. It's for real. She sat her lil' bum right down on that bag and the smile on her face as she reached the bottom was priceless. The giant praises and 'high fives' she got from Sean and I, and all our friends followed by this total look of confidence almost made me cry. My baby girls growing up!

So anyway, change of lunch plans today. I was gonna hit the bank but I'm thinking a trip to Target is in order. I do not want them running out of those Batman costumes in Ian's size. $19.99 seems like just pennies in my pocket to make a young boys dreams come true. This Halloween is gonna be AWWWEESSOME!

Just another manic Monday...

After hearing screams, shrieks and tussling from the other room I step in as 'fight breaker upper extroidinaire' and...

Me: Ian, give Alex her princess picture back. (Her most recent art project from school)

Ian: No, It's Trash.

OC, AC, black eyes and cell phones.

Last week, we had the pleasure of spending our vacation in Ocean City, NJ. Like last year, we flew the kids out to spend a fun-filled week with the Kolmer family. We had a glorious time, lounging on the beach, eating and drinking deliciousness and overall catching up with the family we get to see far too little.

The trip started off on a moderately rocky start with a TERRIBLE red eye flight thanks to a young man now referred to as 'Bam Bam'. I've made made an executive decision that we will NEVER fly a red eye again and although it bodes well for small sleeping infants it does not suit one two year old who aside from screaming, throwing his pillow against the heads of the people two rows in front of us, and creating quite a ruckus for 2 1/2 hours has ultimately left me pain stricken from the stress and physical demands of keeping his feet from kicking the seat of the poor fool in front of him. Either that or that fact that he head butted me in the eye on day 4 giving me a black eye has somehow given me a minor case of whiplash or something. A week later, a chiropractor visit and a massage later, I'm still suffering both a migraine and a wrenched neck/back. It pays to play.

The flight home as shown above was MUCH more tame. Ian watched movies, and slept and was a perfect angel.

The only other loss of the week was immediately following the 'red eye from hell' when I lost my beloved iPhone in the Philadelphia airport that resulted in a week of me lamenting my stupidity in a state of cummication withdrawls. So far, the city of brotherly love has not returned it to me. Go figure.

We had many highlights that indeed made up for this including a lovely 'adult only' trip to Atlantic City. Sean and I along with his Brother & Sister and his Cousin and his wife, took a quick 20 minute jaunt to the Atlantic City Tropicana Casino where we shared a lovely dinner, and few (maybe too many) coctails. We had a blast playing slots, the boys threw craps, and the ladies spent a vast majority of the evening making friends with the roulette dealer, a nice (and lucky)women named Theresa who later returned my wallet to me that I left behind and PTA ( a woman who thought we should be A)best friends and B) play only 2 & 4 because we both had 2 and 4 year olds. Well, I passed and she didn't which is probably why I walked away with all my money plus $1 and she left empty handed. Shame.

Later, we moved on to our own private karoake room, compliments of Sean's Cousin Kevin and his big winnings! Thanks Kev, it was a blast!

This trip was much easier as Ian was mobile, active and enjoyed the beach. Last year his nickname was 'sand crab' as he was just learning to walk, and spent the majority of the time eating sand. This time, he could be found leaning up against sand castles and sand pits flirting with the lady toddlers. Near the end of the week, he was even enjoying the water. Alex was much more brave this year, she was swimming, running in the waves and looked like quite the little beach babe. They both LOVED the boardwalk and were old enough to ride the bumper cars, together, alone.

We had ice cream, witnessed an amazing thunder storm, had two great dinners with his extended family (aunts, uncles & cousins) and Alex had her first lobster tail and hated it.

One night, we went out for pizza at a popular pizza joint called 'Mack and Mancos'. The pizza is huge and flat and awesomely greasy. Ian or 'BAM BAM', helped himself to two pieces and after taking the first bite said, 'I LIKE IT!' it the hugest, monster growl voice. He had everyone laughing (of course) and saying 'I Like it!' all week long.

Overall, it was an amazing week, like all vacations it left us tired, wanting more, and dreading our return to the real world and work...BUT it was awesome and fun, and a great opportunity to take a break from our otherwise hectic lives and spend some good time with family and our kids. Thanks to all the Kolmers for your hospitality, for your company, for some of you taking the time off work to spend time with us, we can't wait for next time!

I obviously posted a few pics, but more are posted on our photo website: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kolmers/

I'm finally at a point where I can talk about it.

So, I'm not sure where to begin. I do need to start by saying that after 4 years of parenting and after 2 years of parenting two, no day has pushed me further or harder than yesterday. I also understand that my last few posts are down right depressing and I fear that any readers out there may assume that A) I hate parenting and B) our life is a total chaotic mess. Well, neither are true and I promise that coming right up will be a giant, lovely post filled with happy memories, moments and funnies as we just had an amazing fun-filled vacation week.


A few months back, a good friend of ours was over for dinner and after several hours of hanging out and letting his wife kind of pick up the parenting slack, he said, 'I'm going to go ahead and grade myself a D in parenting tonight'. We all laughed and ever since Sean and I have used this grading system to rate our days with the kids. Now, obviously we have many days were we feel like A and B parents...but yesterday, I get a big F for Fail. I was not patient, I was not kind, I was not understanding or sympathetic. It was one of those days where I went to bed sad that my one day home with the kids, 'our special day' was tainted and ruined and it would be another 4 days before I'd have the opportunity to make up for it again.

We returned home from vacation late Saturday night (blog to follow I have to aire some dirty laundry first). Sunday was a long, tiring and frustrating day. We were all tired, jet-lagged, and we had a house to clean, loads of laundry to wash, and not a lick of food in the house. We took care of bidness on Sunday and I was looking forward to a calm, restful, and relaxing Monday home with the kids. I even thought, HEY, we'll go to the Zoo! Well, the stars were not aligned, it must have been a full moon and I don't know what I did but Karma was after me.

I woke up with a headache. In fact, I've woken up with a headache for the past 3 days. Ever since I had that first 'vacation is over, I have to go back to work' thought my back has been stiff, my neck a tight wound ball of nerves and the feeling of stabbing knives has burrowed right there in between my eyeballs. Now it could also be the result of Ian ramming his face into my cheekbone last week leaving me with a black eye, but I don't want to blame him as he's already in big big trouble.


Our day went a little something like this:

• I stumbled down to the coffee pot and washed down an excederin migraine.

• I fight my headache and allow the chitlens to watch Caillou.

• I get the kids dressed and encourage Ian to pee on the pottie. After getting him down from the toilet, he pee's on the floor.


• Kids fight like bloody hell for 1 hour over Barbie shoes. After putting Barbie thingsaway, I find them in a nasty tug of war over a book neither of them have touched in a year. Do I calmly detour them to another activity, oh no. I lose my temper and send them outside.


• I manage to unload the dishwasher and moments later I hear the screams. I peek out the kitchen window to find Ian flooding the sandbox with the hose. They are both covered head to toe in wet sand. I briefly wonder why I had children, then clean them up and return inside.


• I take another excederin, lean against the fridge and rub my temples when suddenly I'm standing in water. Ian is holding the hose once again up against the toyroom screen and is flooding the entire room. My brand new bamboo floors are soaked.

• One hour and a half later, I have finished wet/dry vacuuming the room, mopping, and soaking up the water. I make lunch and we all go for a 2 1/2 hour nap.

• We rise from the dead, me in a horrible stupor as I'm a terrible napper. My head feels mildly better and I manage to make a few phone calls as apparently, my kids are playing quietly in the other room. While on the phone with the doctor, I peek around the corner to find Alex and Ian with my boxes and boxes of partylite candles strewn about the entire room. In each of their little hands, a candle which they have been using to DRAW. ALL. OVER. MY. COUCH. WITH.

• I lose my cool, and ask my 2 and 4 year old what I ever did to them.

• Alex pee's on the floor as she's 'too scared to go to the bathroom alone'. The result of a serious 'freak out' while on vacation (more to come).

• Ian decides Chip Chip needs more food and breaks the lid off the food dispenser and fills his water bowl, yes WATER bowl with food. I gag, soggy food floating in waterdoes not do it for me.

• I throw in the towel, literally. I throw the kitchen towel. What happened next, I'm not even sure. I may have even blacked out a little. Reached maximum capacity or something. I'm not sure what happened between 4-6 but we made it, unscathed.

I've been trying to take challenges and stresses and shed some positive light on them. I brainstormed for several minutes trying to find some good in my day. Did I learn something? YES, I learned that the free microfiber cleaner I rec'd with my couch really does remove everything including wax. I also learned that half of my kitchen dishtowels do not absorb water. I also came up with a potential money making invention regarding child proofing outdoor hose nozzles. Win win right?

An instant Mood Enhancer

I swear, at the very minute I feel like I'm too tired to go on, or my laundry list of things to do is so vast I want to burn the list, Alex says something so funny and turns my frown right upside down.

Last night, we pulled into the driveway and she noticed a yellow slip of paper on the front door. I think 'eviction notice?, NO-I think I paid the mortgage'. She says, 'Mom, it's a very important message just for us! It must be from God!' I died. Just as I stopped laughing at her, she shows up next to me, paper in hand and a disappointed look on her face. She points to the picture of a bird on the paper and says, 'No Mom, I was wrong. It's from the zoo.' Really? It was advertising for a roof cleaning company but I humored her and said, 'Yes, a personal invitation-we'll make sure to go to the zoo REAL soon.

Summer has been busy. I have a million blogs in action but no resolution. Maybe in October sometime things will calm down...until then. Just a piece of humor.