Monday, October 10, 2011

The trials and tribulations of home ownership and a human wrecking ball.

there are days that i'd like to sell all i own, and move to an 800 square foot loft in the pearl district. i want cement floors throughout that I can sweep with a push broom in a giant drain into the center of the room. If they are really dirty, I'll hose them down. i want a couch, a chair and a television mounted on the wall AND NOTHING ELSE. we won't have toys, or tiny metal cars to puncture the bottom of our foot on. we'll live the simple, non-cluttered, minimalist lifestyle that does not coincide with child rearing.

so for fun, we'll go to the park and roam the streets of downtown. we'll live the city life and we'll have time to do this because we won't be raking up 9 giant bags of leaves, or replacing the floors in our bathrooms.

one can dream.

3 weeks ago, we wanted to do the responsible thing and upgrade our downstairs toilet to a more energy efficient model. that, and it couldn't handle our son. or, anything for that matter that required more than one square sheet of tissue paper. basically it was worthless. so on a saturday family outing to home depot we picked up a beautiful kohler thrown and left the store shaking our heads at the things you get excited about in your 30's.

sean is now a pro at replacing toilets and this being his 3rd installation thought it would be a 20 minute job and he'd be watching football by noon. hahahahaha.


basically it went like this:

1. sean removes toilet

2. sean begins swearing

3. i run into the bathroom and find him scraping the wood floor beneath the toilet WITH A SPOON. that stuff was coming up like chocolate pudding.

so after a brief assessment we realize the entire floor is not just dry rot, but wet rot. so we do what any responsible home-owner does and spent the next few days ignoring the problem. we thanked our lucky stars the floor did not give way while grandma was visiting and we shut the door and weighed our options. put the house up for sale? no. hire someone to come and charge us a million dollars? uh, no.

so we called my dad who over the course of the last three weeks has once again saved our bank account from a significant casualty. so now for steps 4-10

4. sean and dad tear out the floor. FUN!

5. it becomes clear special order wood is needed. YAY.

6. 2 weeks later we locate 'special wood' at parr lumber in albany for $8. SCORE.

7. sean barrels down I-5 with a 12 foot board sticking out the back of his pimp honda accord. TOTALLY SAFE.

8. sean and dad install new floor, replace tiles, and install toilet base. WE ARE ALMOST HOME FREE.

9. somehow during #8 (explanation vague) a hole was put into the sheet rock.

10. i arrive home after a few hours of errands hoping to find the project done, but instead come home to a cracked toilet tank in the middle of the garage floor and a very guilty looking 4 year old who apparently was 'helping'. SUPER.

so although i'm sleeping better knowing raccoons can no longer crawl into my house at will, we still have a hole in the wall and half a toilet which SURPRISE SURPRISE requires a special order replacement tank for a mere $80 extra dollars. here's the crime scene. I took the opportunity to draw a tank and the line below the toilet use to be the raccoon and opossum's entry site. I KNOW THEY LIVED IN THERE FOR A WHILE. with the spiders.

thanks to my dad for getting us through this disaster and thanks to sean for remaining relatively calm and patient during this difficult time.

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