Friday, May 27, 2011

I put my hands up, they're playing my song. The butterflies fly away. I'm nodding my head like Yeah...(but really I'm just going crazy)

I find it necessary to start this post with something positive. Let's say I recognize a few things I love and we call it good to even out the imminent negative documentation of my arrival home yesterday? I say that's fair.

Hmmm. Let me think.

I love how Ian on many recent occasions pops in on me while I'm getting ready, snuggles up to me on the couch, or as is common these days hops into bed for a good morning spoon and says, 'Hey Mom, watcha doin this weekend?' As if he's just about to ask me out on a date.

I love finding him at 11:30 at night standing at the toilet, head back, arms to his side relieving himself half asleep having un zipped his Jammie's but having failed to pull down the undies.

I love asking him where he got a little bruise on his bum and having him promptly reply that he got it from 'America'.

I also love how Alex refuses to yank out the dangling front tooth that has been hanging by a teeny tiny thread for weeks now. I love how she refuses even though it inhibits all the food she can eat, and affects her speech which she enunciates by talking very matter of factly.

I love watching her at her birthday party with all her new school friends and seeing her smile that the day is all about her.

I love all my new plants I potted last weekend in a feverish fury to start the process of transforming our yard from it's winter induced mess to lovely summer status.

There. Moving on, let's get down to the nitty gritty.

Yesterday was otherwise a typical day. I say typical and mean it was just as long and tiring. It started just as early. Work was just as gruesome and stressful and like most days of late I received a text from Sean that said, 'I'll be home late'.

Super.

So to make things 'easy on me' I did the responsible and health conscious thing and stopped at McDonalds to treat the kids to a happy meal because a)I had a gift card and b)Ian made it another day without ending up in the timeout corner for saying 'potty words'. These days, that's cause for celebration.

We pulled into the driveway and Alex starts hollering from the back. I turn my head and she has opened her apple dippers caramel and it has proceeded to find itself on her raincoat, her lap, the wall of the car door and is smeared up the window. I tell her to hurry up and get inside I'll clean it up (which I wonder why bother my car is a cess pool of food shmears and litter).

Usually when I approach the door to the house I can hear the squeals of the dog as he impatiently awaits our arrival. But, silence. When I stepped inside I arrived to a scene that caused me to drop the McDonalds sacks, my purse, the kids backpacks, a stack of mail that has been littering my car, and 4 coats from the back seat I've been looking for. And that's when the screaming started. Chip, our neurotic and anxiety ridden shelter dog relieved his freakish self's emotional instability by demolishing all items from Alex's dress up basket, two pair of sunglasses, a puzzle, her brand new dry board eraser (hence the shrieks) amongst many other random items. He flung pillows around the living room, drug blankets around the house, moved his dog bed from one room to another and there were SHOES everywhere. Un-chewed, thank god.

Chip meanwhile was hovering (head down in shame) by the back door knowing he was in deep doo doo.

The Kids WERE LIVID. And there are not words to describe my feelings on the matter.

I threw my hands up, put them on my head, spun in a circle and otherwise had a silent emotional breakdown and went into hyper freak out mode. I'd like to think that if you're a mother (or father) and whether you work full time and struggle to juggle all the responsibilities of life in too few hours, OR if you stay home with little people all day and you tell me you don't have these moments where you pray to god someone will just have you committed. I think you're lying.

I took a moment to pull myself together and decided there was just one thing to do. I started cleaning. I picked up the shredded items and walked them over to the trash and my mind starts spinning again. It was like a scene from a lifetime movie where the videography slows down and pauses on specific items to show drama? All I saw was dishes strewn about the counter, a sink full of dirty dishes, a dishwasher flashing that it was ready to be unloaded, syrup was hardened and crusted to the kitchen table from the kids breakfast, and in the middle of the hall were Ian's urine ridden sheets I forgot to put in the wash before I left for work.

When Sean got home he did what any husband of a woman on the verge of a mental breakdown would do and silently started helping to bring our life into some state of livability, just after taking the dog out for a good and proper scolding of course.

From there things turned more 'typical' in nature and after a 'beer mug' sized glass of wine, and some Dreyers chocoloate chip mint ice cream my blood pressure returned to normal, the multiple personalities went back to their homes and Chip got to come back inside.

3 comments:

Jenny said...

I...mean...SHIT!

XOXO.

Malisams said...

I almost had another panic attack just reading this. Hawaiimexicaribbean here we come? Please?

Katie said...

oh my...there's really not much more I can say. Although I definitely think it's safe to say an evening like that deserved a bottle of wine and the entire carton of ice cream! Hoping you had a much less eventful long weekend!