Tuesday, June 18, 2013

goodbye house

alex was 1 when we packed up our belongings in the townhouse we had brought her home to. it was time for a yard. a few more windows. a change.

and we moved across town to a house on a culdesac. it wasn't much bigger, but it had windows and skylights and a yard to run in. we knew it wasn't our forever house. we knew it needed a lot of updates and work, and care. and we gave it that. we made it our own, we made it 'home'.

and a year later, we brought ian home. and more memories were made. and we acquired more things and lost our guest room to the two kids. our family room became a toy room, and the entire house became the kids domain. 

and two years later, we brought home chip. this, probably a mistake in more ways than one made our small house feel even smaller. and as the kids grew, so did our claustrophobia. 

and this year, when sean was resorted to taking conference calls from our master bath toilet room to obtain 'quiet' with his computer on his lap we made the decision to move. and today we get our keys to our new home. it doesn't feel much like home yet. it's empty. and white. and needs the same updates and personal touches we gave the house we are about to say goodbye to. and although, i can be quoted as saying 'i will not miss this house', i will very much miss this house.

it's the house, i brought one of my babies home to. it's the house i painted every square inch of. it's the only house my kids know. i will miss my fireplace, and my culdesac where i can comfortably let the kids play in while making dinner. i will miss my tall vaulted ceiling, and the light that pours in from all directions. it's the house we gave our hearts to for almost 7 years. it's the house we hosted thanksgiving and christmas at. it's the house i held birthday parties for the kids at. it's the house that has 'ian' scribbled on the wall near the bathroom closet from when he learned to write and couldn't find a piece of paper. today, it's home. it's a house i'm proud to say 'we did that'. we made it something special.

tomorrow, it's the house we are borrowing until we move out. and that feels weird to say. someone else owns it now. and we have to get out. and move on. carrying all the things we moved here 7 years ago with, and all the extra we've collected over the years. i have to leave behind those curtain rods and light fixtures I carefully chose, and the cans of paint i spent hours and hours choosing. but the memories, i will carry in a large over stuffed box of photo albums.

i'm pretty sure i'm going to cry. and driving away will be difficult. and i really know that this move is important for the health and sanity of our family. a house with more space for the kids, and well, chip too. one day, maybe after i've painted every square inch it will feel like home too. 

sean keeps saying, 'home is where our family is' and it's true. and for someone who moved a lot in his childhood he means this. 

goodbye old house, and hello new. 


Katie said...

What a big change, Carrie! Excited for you and this new chapter for your family. Are you staying close, changing schools, etc. best of luck with the move!

Anonymous said...

Cry cry cry. I wrote the owner of our first house a special letter, OH how I wish I kept it. It was so meaningful. For all of these reasons. I love your blog. I love your memories.

I can't wait to see you start over making a new house "home". Bringing warmth, and humor, and life. It's what you do, and you do it well.

Jenny (anonymous because my work hates blogger!)