Friday, May 10, 2013

she was only trying to help.

a month ago, alex came running into the house asking for my keys. 'mom, mom, MOM!? where are your keys? when I didn't answer because I was 9 feet into our 10 foot deep hot and muggy storage closet, she yelled again, 'MOM, I FOUND THEM. I'M GOING TO GET THE MAIL!'

who knew that the fact I was in the dark depths of hell searching for an old tax return and unable to respond would change the course of my life and my bank account for the next week.

so she went to get the mail at the end of the street, and like any other 7 year old would do threw the mail  AND keys on the back of sean's car and continued to ride her bike.

life carried on for a bit. i found my paperwork and decided to spend an hour organizing this closet. and sean took the kids to our nephews baseball game. in his car. where the keys were set. without him having any clue.

so he drove to the game, and the keys surely flung off somewhere on the way.

and when i needed to go to the store later, i asked alex where she put my keys. and when she told us 'on the back of daddy's car', sean and i looked at each other with dread and started to frantically look. and look. and drive all around the neighborhood. and to the school, and back, and back again. going 4 miles an hour scouring the roads and sidewalks for my keys.

and then we gave up.

they were gone forever.

so i call the acura dealership and asked what to do.

me: hi sir, i lost my car keys. and my house keys and my mail key, and my work key, and my everything.

sir: well, we'll need to see the car to re-code your key and replace your key less entry.

me: well sir, how do you expect me to get my car to you without my keys?

sir: you have to tow it here.

me: awesome.

so i call a tow truck CHA-CHING, and take the car to the dealership where they code us a new keyless remote (CHA-CHING CHA-CHING) and make us 3 spare keys (CHA-CHING, CHA-CHING, CHA-CHING).

meanwhile, alex is irritated we weren't able to go to the park as we promised and needs our undivided attention for this or that while we try to (patiently) solve the mess that has become our day. because she wanted to help. and get the mail. which consisted of a rotor rooter flyer, and a coupon to sweet tomatoes.

we then replace my house key, and my work key, and after a long day at work and at 5:58 pm and two minutes before closing i step into the post office to replace my mail key. i promise the kids that if they please please please behave i will give them a piece of gum because bribery totally works with kids and i'm desperate for my weeks worth of mail.  and it's here where ian tells the post office clerk that his butt hurts and in fact, his sister has a fashina (vagina) and totally embarrasses me.

the woman smiles awkwardly, charges me $40 for the key, and promises to replace the key within the week and that they are now closed.

and when we get into the car and ian asks for his 'reward' for 'behaving', because he didn't actually say the words BUTT and FASHINA to a perfect stranger i calmly say, 'maybe next time'. because i'm chill like that.

and it's then, a week later, that the 'key debaucle' is finally solved so imagine my surprise when we pull int the drive and alex asks if she can get the mail.

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