Just another manic Monday...

After hearing screams, shrieks and tussling from the other room I step in as 'fight breaker upper extroidinaire' and...

Me: Ian, give Alex her princess picture back. (Her most recent art project from school)

Ian: No, It's Trash.

OC, AC, black eyes and cell phones.

Last week, we had the pleasure of spending our vacation in Ocean City, NJ. Like last year, we flew the kids out to spend a fun-filled week with the Kolmer family. We had a glorious time, lounging on the beach, eating and drinking deliciousness and overall catching up with the family we get to see far too little.

The trip started off on a moderately rocky start with a TERRIBLE red eye flight thanks to a young man now referred to as 'Bam Bam'. I've made made an executive decision that we will NEVER fly a red eye again and although it bodes well for small sleeping infants it does not suit one two year old who aside from screaming, throwing his pillow against the heads of the people two rows in front of us, and creating quite a ruckus for 2 1/2 hours has ultimately left me pain stricken from the stress and physical demands of keeping his feet from kicking the seat of the poor fool in front of him. Either that or that fact that he head butted me in the eye on day 4 giving me a black eye has somehow given me a minor case of whiplash or something. A week later, a chiropractor visit and a massage later, I'm still suffering both a migraine and a wrenched neck/back. It pays to play.

The flight home as shown above was MUCH more tame. Ian watched movies, and slept and was a perfect angel.

The only other loss of the week was immediately following the 'red eye from hell' when I lost my beloved iPhone in the Philadelphia airport that resulted in a week of me lamenting my stupidity in a state of cummication withdrawls. So far, the city of brotherly love has not returned it to me. Go figure.

We had many highlights that indeed made up for this including a lovely 'adult only' trip to Atlantic City. Sean and I along with his Brother & Sister and his Cousin and his wife, took a quick 20 minute jaunt to the Atlantic City Tropicana Casino where we shared a lovely dinner, and few (maybe too many) coctails. We had a blast playing slots, the boys threw craps, and the ladies spent a vast majority of the evening making friends with the roulette dealer, a nice (and lucky)women named Theresa who later returned my wallet to me that I left behind and PTA ( a woman who thought we should be A)best friends and B) play only 2 & 4 because we both had 2 and 4 year olds. Well, I passed and she didn't which is probably why I walked away with all my money plus $1 and she left empty handed. Shame.

Later, we moved on to our own private karoake room, compliments of Sean's Cousin Kevin and his big winnings! Thanks Kev, it was a blast!

This trip was much easier as Ian was mobile, active and enjoyed the beach. Last year his nickname was 'sand crab' as he was just learning to walk, and spent the majority of the time eating sand. This time, he could be found leaning up against sand castles and sand pits flirting with the lady toddlers. Near the end of the week, he was even enjoying the water. Alex was much more brave this year, she was swimming, running in the waves and looked like quite the little beach babe. They both LOVED the boardwalk and were old enough to ride the bumper cars, together, alone.

We had ice cream, witnessed an amazing thunder storm, had two great dinners with his extended family (aunts, uncles & cousins) and Alex had her first lobster tail and hated it.

One night, we went out for pizza at a popular pizza joint called 'Mack and Mancos'. The pizza is huge and flat and awesomely greasy. Ian or 'BAM BAM', helped himself to two pieces and after taking the first bite said, 'I LIKE IT!' it the hugest, monster growl voice. He had everyone laughing (of course) and saying 'I Like it!' all week long.

Overall, it was an amazing week, like all vacations it left us tired, wanting more, and dreading our return to the real world and work...BUT it was awesome and fun, and a great opportunity to take a break from our otherwise hectic lives and spend some good time with family and our kids. Thanks to all the Kolmers for your hospitality, for your company, for some of you taking the time off work to spend time with us, we can't wait for next time!

I obviously posted a few pics, but more are posted on our photo website: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kolmers/

I'm finally at a point where I can talk about it.

So, I'm not sure where to begin. I do need to start by saying that after 4 years of parenting and after 2 years of parenting two, no day has pushed me further or harder than yesterday. I also understand that my last few posts are down right depressing and I fear that any readers out there may assume that A) I hate parenting and B) our life is a total chaotic mess. Well, neither are true and I promise that coming right up will be a giant, lovely post filled with happy memories, moments and funnies as we just had an amazing fun-filled vacation week.


A few months back, a good friend of ours was over for dinner and after several hours of hanging out and letting his wife kind of pick up the parenting slack, he said, 'I'm going to go ahead and grade myself a D in parenting tonight'. We all laughed and ever since Sean and I have used this grading system to rate our days with the kids. Now, obviously we have many days were we feel like A and B parents...but yesterday, I get a big F for Fail. I was not patient, I was not kind, I was not understanding or sympathetic. It was one of those days where I went to bed sad that my one day home with the kids, 'our special day' was tainted and ruined and it would be another 4 days before I'd have the opportunity to make up for it again.

We returned home from vacation late Saturday night (blog to follow I have to aire some dirty laundry first). Sunday was a long, tiring and frustrating day. We were all tired, jet-lagged, and we had a house to clean, loads of laundry to wash, and not a lick of food in the house. We took care of bidness on Sunday and I was looking forward to a calm, restful, and relaxing Monday home with the kids. I even thought, HEY, we'll go to the Zoo! Well, the stars were not aligned, it must have been a full moon and I don't know what I did but Karma was after me.

I woke up with a headache. In fact, I've woken up with a headache for the past 3 days. Ever since I had that first 'vacation is over, I have to go back to work' thought my back has been stiff, my neck a tight wound ball of nerves and the feeling of stabbing knives has burrowed right there in between my eyeballs. Now it could also be the result of Ian ramming his face into my cheekbone last week leaving me with a black eye, but I don't want to blame him as he's already in big big trouble.


Our day went a little something like this:

• I stumbled down to the coffee pot and washed down an excederin migraine.

• I fight my headache and allow the chitlens to watch Caillou.

• I get the kids dressed and encourage Ian to pee on the pottie. After getting him down from the toilet, he pee's on the floor.


• Kids fight like bloody hell for 1 hour over Barbie shoes. After putting Barbie thingsaway, I find them in a nasty tug of war over a book neither of them have touched in a year. Do I calmly detour them to another activity, oh no. I lose my temper and send them outside.


• I manage to unload the dishwasher and moments later I hear the screams. I peek out the kitchen window to find Ian flooding the sandbox with the hose. They are both covered head to toe in wet sand. I briefly wonder why I had children, then clean them up and return inside.


• I take another excederin, lean against the fridge and rub my temples when suddenly I'm standing in water. Ian is holding the hose once again up against the toyroom screen and is flooding the entire room. My brand new bamboo floors are soaked.

• One hour and a half later, I have finished wet/dry vacuuming the room, mopping, and soaking up the water. I make lunch and we all go for a 2 1/2 hour nap.

• We rise from the dead, me in a horrible stupor as I'm a terrible napper. My head feels mildly better and I manage to make a few phone calls as apparently, my kids are playing quietly in the other room. While on the phone with the doctor, I peek around the corner to find Alex and Ian with my boxes and boxes of partylite candles strewn about the entire room. In each of their little hands, a candle which they have been using to DRAW. ALL. OVER. MY. COUCH. WITH.

• I lose my cool, and ask my 2 and 4 year old what I ever did to them.

• Alex pee's on the floor as she's 'too scared to go to the bathroom alone'. The result of a serious 'freak out' while on vacation (more to come).

• Ian decides Chip Chip needs more food and breaks the lid off the food dispenser and fills his water bowl, yes WATER bowl with food. I gag, soggy food floating in waterdoes not do it for me.

• I throw in the towel, literally. I throw the kitchen towel. What happened next, I'm not even sure. I may have even blacked out a little. Reached maximum capacity or something. I'm not sure what happened between 4-6 but we made it, unscathed.

I've been trying to take challenges and stresses and shed some positive light on them. I brainstormed for several minutes trying to find some good in my day. Did I learn something? YES, I learned that the free microfiber cleaner I rec'd with my couch really does remove everything including wax. I also learned that half of my kitchen dishtowels do not absorb water. I also came up with a potential money making invention regarding child proofing outdoor hose nozzles. Win win right?

An instant Mood Enhancer

I swear, at the very minute I feel like I'm too tired to go on, or my laundry list of things to do is so vast I want to burn the list, Alex says something so funny and turns my frown right upside down.

Last night, we pulled into the driveway and she noticed a yellow slip of paper on the front door. I think 'eviction notice?, NO-I think I paid the mortgage'. She says, 'Mom, it's a very important message just for us! It must be from God!' I died. Just as I stopped laughing at her, she shows up next to me, paper in hand and a disappointed look on her face. She points to the picture of a bird on the paper and says, 'No Mom, I was wrong. It's from the zoo.' Really? It was advertising for a roof cleaning company but I humored her and said, 'Yes, a personal invitation-we'll make sure to go to the zoo REAL soon.

Summer has been busy. I have a million blogs in action but no resolution. Maybe in October sometime things will calm down...until then. Just a piece of humor.