Uncle Brent Wins...

I'm taking a 5 minute break to write down a funny, because I fear that with the hectic-ness (is that a word?) of work right now (IT'S FISCAL CLOSE YIPPEE) paired with the fact I made an ever apparent error in judgement at the wee age of 19 and chose FINANCE as my 'dream', that I may forget this.

And if I did that, the world around me would fall apart right? Not really.

I'm blabbering.

Did I mention that between the two kids I've gotten 12 hours of sleep since Monday? That just ain't right. I don't even have an infant. Just a young boy with growing pains (literally) and a daughter who is scared silly of dots on her wall, shadows, and has had a recurring nightmare of someone jumping on her bed in the night for the last three consecutive nights, and an alarm clock that buzz's the same time every morning regardless.

So as for the funny, it is this: Last week, Alex got an amazing slip n slide complete with pool and boogie boards from my sister Sarah (we call her Aunt Soosa) for her birthday. She was thrilled! A few days later, in the mail came an even BIGGER slip and slide complete with shark tunnel from Uncle Brent. I nonchalantly (not even really serious) said she could think about taking one back and picking out some other outside water toy. I didn't even think she heard me.

So last night, as I was making dinner I told her we need to get the basket of thank you notes out and start writing our birthday thank yous. And this is what she said:

"I'm gonna write on Aunt Soosa's thank you card- Sorry I want to take your gift back, Love Alex"

So, one point for Uncle Brent. But honestly, I can't even bear to return it now as it will be discarding the very item that made me laugh harder this week than I thought possible. Again, the fatigue, the stress, and the verging on 'crazy' may have made it more funny than it is...I'll let you be the judge.

My Girl, talking bout-My Girl.

Five Years Ago Today...

-I became a mother, and my life changed forever in the best of ways.

-I said goodbye to order, and control. And sleep.

-I fell in love with a little girl and have done so over and over again each and every day since.

This week, we celebrated Alex's 5th birthday. And at Five Years Old, Alex...

-Can recognize and write all her letters.

-Read words, (mostly by her inherited photographic memory).

-Is a happy, loving, nurturing and sweet girl.

-Loves her brother 70% of the time, the other 30% is mauling him, torturing him or chasing after him. Sean may argue my ratio is severely off.

-enjoys being outside, riding her bike, watching Tom & Jerry and doing art projects.

-When she's angry, she stomps her feet, slams her bedroom door, and proclaims, 'nobody likes me!'. Also, she is not dramatic at all.

-has given up naps for the most part but falls asleep in the car for any ride longer than 15 minutes.

-has many 'best friends' including Trey, Devon, Caden, and sometimes she'll add Ian to the list.

-prefers her dad in most regards, and the feeling is mutual.

-makes me laugh every day at either her dramatic tirades, or the funny things she says.

-last week referred to her 'down there', or 'private area' as her china. At least she picked a word that rhymes!

-loves to wear dresses and leggings and shoes with shine and glitter.

-can be found looking at herself in the mirror, and admiring the beauty of herself!

-has many favorite toys including dolls, fairy's, and little pet shop pets.

-is excited for Kindergarten and refers to her new school as the 'red roof school'.

-is a worrier, just like her Mom and her Nanna.

-is smart as a whip, with a memory like an elephant just like her Dad.

-hates to cleanup after herself.

I can believe that Alex is five. Somehow, it makes sense. I feel like I've been a 'mom' for five years, that my life has been different for five years. I can't believe however how she's changed in that time. She's like this mini person, with thoughts and feelings and opinions. She's so smart, and funny! And has this amazing sense of humor. She's also thoughtful, and worries about others. She's cautious with herself, I doubt this girl will ever sky dive or bungee jump. Thank goodness.

She blows my mind each and every day, and every single time I look at her face I remember the day she was born. How instantly I loved her. Where Ian looks nothing like he did as a baby, she still has the same features, larger and matured but the baby is still there.

Ah, I love her.

She is such a daddy's girl, which developed when Ian was born. They formed a bond and a respect for one another and both being Taurus's this works for us. They 'understand' each other, if you will.

I'm so proud of who she is becoming, and so proud of Sean and I. We used to laugh when she turned 1 and 2. We succeeded at parenting! We have cared for every one of her needs around the clock, we kept her alive! It's hard to imagine that for 5 years now, we've been responsible for her safety, and her health. That's 1,825 days and nights!

Incredible.

She is incredible.

Dear Abby, or Diary, or whoever you are,

I go to bed with a heavy heart AGAIN. And Sean is at a work dinner, so you blog are my only hope.

I'm pretty sure that by now, it's clear that I hate to leave my kids each day. I'm sure all my friends (including you blog) are tired of hearing about it. So, I'll spare you the recap on that on-going saga. But I will say this; I know that staying at home and working both have their ups and downs. And I'm sure if I did stay home I'd be grasping for some semblance of adult interaction. I know that both jobs are hard hard hard.

I guess sometimes I wish that I had a choice. For me the only choice was 'where'. For this I blame Linfield College. The school that both Sean and I paid thousands and thousands of dollars to well, meet each other. This is also the institution that sucks a good chunk of change out of our bank account each month. I hold tight to that concept, that the loans we pay each month are some sort of dowry to each other. Right? RIGHT?

The worst part for me has always been, those first few weeks of taking your baby to someone else to care for. I've done it twice and there is no easy button for that task. You hunt hunt hunt for the perfect place, although in your heart no place is perfect unless it's with you. You view centers, home daycare's and you knit pick them to death. You hope the other kids are well behaved and don't teach your kids bad manners. You hope their teacher, nanny, or daycare provider treats them as though they were their own.

You mostly just hope.

That your making the right decision.

Then you rip the band aid off and you drive away from your baby. And you cry the whole way to work. And when you pick them up with smiles on their faces...you know you've done good.

I digress. Three years ago, I made a choice. I made a choice to move Alex from her first daycare and I found Kathleena. For three years our kids have been cared for to my very high standards. They come home all learned and smart. They are active, and artsy and have fun! They do music and dance, and all the things I can't teach them during the day, Kathleena does. She probably has taught them more than I ever could. And for this I am forever grateful.

Unfortunately, the logistics of our life are changing. And for us, logistics have always been our biggest hurdle. How do we get Sean to Salem, myself to Beaverton, the kids to school and all back again? How do we incorporate classes, swim lessons and still leave time for QT at night? We've managed. I've gotten up and driven to work each morning before the roosters crow, and we manage to get Sean home just as dinner is on the table. It's working. But next year, Alex is starting school and everything is changing and although I haven't worked out the details yet, what I do know is our time with Kathleena is ending. She's out of our district and in the Fall, we'll be moving Alex and now trying to figure out how to logistically get her to her place and Ian to his and us to ours. I'm tired just thinking about it.

I'm digressing again. Basically, I've decided to keep the kids home this summer. And as my friend always says, 'remove the daily task of ripping my kids from their sheets' each morning. My dear Sis is thrilled to spend some quality time with them in between long weekends, a few vacations, and some family visits. And I'm excited for them and the summer we have planned but heartbroken about Kathleena.

I told her today as I picked up the kids and left with such a terrible heartache inside. I felt like giving good notice was the best possible thing I could do and instead it just feels icky. She has absolutely been amazing to us and our kids. She has worked with our long days, she's accepted my kids on Mondays when I've had to work, and most recently Fridays. They love her, we love her.

And Kathleena, I hope if your reading this you know that. And I hope you know that in the end, it's logistics.

I will be forever grateful for the love, and the amazing spirit you've given to our kids. I've picked up my kids with smiles on their faces every every every day, and there is no thank you big enough for that.