the sick is back.

it's that glorious time of year again. the time of year that northwester's prepare for their 9 month hibernation by retreating into their homes clutching their bottles of vitamin d (and other drugs) their backs into the corner crouched on their hind legs in the fetal position, rocking back and forth waiting to live again. or wait, maybe that's just me. i am reminded that for those optimistic types this time of year brings that crisp cold air, crackling fires, beautiful fall foliage, homemade soups and fall tv premiers. for 'others' it brings sadness, a deep desire to sell all you own and buy a one way ticket to somewhere, silent fights over the thermostat and last but not least, it brings the sick.

each year, like clockwork as the kids return to school (which i'm not positive is really school but a giant, airless room where kids hold hands, cough in each others faces, and smear snot on every germ adhering surface) i wait 7-10 days for the symptoms to start.

and sure enough. they came.

september thru may we spend the weekends seeking indoor activity for the kids, we take them to children's museums, omsi (a hands on, snot science establishment), and any enclosed plastic padded jungle gym we can find. we travel to grocery stores with antibacterial wipes to swipe the shopping carts down in hopes of eliminating just half of the microscopic vermin waiting to pounce. then, monday thru friday we juggle sick kids and work and sit at our desks waiting for the phone to ring and wonder if fever, cold, flu, pink eye, or the swine will be the culprit this time.

i love this time of year.

last week, a co-worker PISSED at another co-worker decided to park her sick face at my desk and complain in between sneezes. i mean, how ignorant to come to work infecting those around you right? popping cough drops one by one, she bitched. and today, i thanked her personally for spreading the love and with the turn of my heal left her desk with her leftover bag of hall's mentho-lyptus. in cherry flavor.

to make matters worse, ian has been showing signs of what my grandmother (who wrote a book on parenting and teaches classes on the subject) calls 'indulgent behavior' by claiming he's sick, or his stomach hurts at the drop of a hat. it is usually following a request to brush his teeth, or pick up his toys where he will flail to the ground in a fit of pain and grab his legs and cry, 'MY LEGS'.

the kid knows his mother is a)deathly afraid of 'the sick' and b)is a self admitted (mild) hypochondriac. in other words, he get's attention for this behavior in the form of me kind of flailing to the ground in a fit of 'woe is me' claiming the world may be ending and how will i juggle life and work and the sick. all, while sick. people call me dramatic.

i need to work on that.

so, we deliver him to school each day with stomach aches, headaches, and feelings of near death and hope for the best. we've talked with his teachers and received permission to do so and i've gotten pretty good at driving to work and getting through my day, all with my fingers crossed.

this morning ian stumbled into our room rubbing his eyes and in the sweetest (i'm about to melt your heart) voice said he 'hates mondays and doesn't feel good'. he then crawls into my lap, the lap i just drug out of bed after wavering for 15 minutes between snoozes on whether my cough was bad enough to call in sick and says, 'can't you just stay home with me?'

i have never wanted to indulge him so bad in my life. so, here we go. andy williams sang it's the most miserable wonderful time of the year. we'll see about that. please feel free to disregard all posts until may unless you'd like to join in on what will surely be the diary of a crazed woman.

what.

whenever someone asks me how old my kids are I say, 4 & 6. not like, 'eh they are oh......4 and 6' all nonchalant as if it's old news. instead it's more like, '4 & 6!' while slightly yelling and followed by a million invisible exclamation points. i mean, can you believe it? i'm reminded of this monthly as one of my passwords (OK, it's for my water and sewer bill just go ahead and break in and pay the heck out of it if you want) is '2 and 4'. how did 2 and 4 become 4 and 6?

how did i get here?

yesterday, alex started first grade. and it still feels like just yesterday she was tugging on my pant leg in the kitchen signing 'more' with her itty bitty fingers and then saying 'dee doo' (thank you) after handing her a drink.

last year, i cried for days before school started. i dropped her off, walked her to her room and was quickly 'shoo'd' away with a, 'mom i got this'. i had bought her

several new school outfits, a new backpack and lunch box. her hair was freshly cut and i left her there with all her baby teeth still in tact. i mean, she couldn't even read! i walked quickly from the school swallowing my sobs until i made it safely to my car.

this year, i left for work before the bus came and sean saw her on. she walked herself to her new classroom in the 1 new dress we managed to snag at target while picking up laundry soap. like a pro, she braved a new teacher and new classmates. when i picked her up that afternoon and asked her how her day was she said, 'you know...good. it's school. i only had 1 recess' with a bit of a lisp as she has one big fat front tooth and another dangling. she waved to her friends, dropped a few steps behind me and that was that.

how quickly my life has transformed from diaper bags and bottles, strollers and burp clothes to school, and homework. and soccer practice. and summer journals. what? I am nowhere ready for this but when in the world are we ever truly ready for big change. i look at ian daily with a feeling of loss as i prepare myself to next year walk him to his classroom and have him wave me off as if to say, 'you can't do this for me mom. just go'.

i know it's coming, like a giant freight train. and no matter how many times i sneak into his room at night and wrap myself around his tiny body, it's never tiny enough.

i'm thankful for work this week, for deadlines and due dates. i'm thankful for our busy schedule of work and soccer practice, birthday parties and distractions to keep me feeling like life is 'normal' when deep inside i feel like it's anything but.

being a working mom, i'm used to turning my children over each day. i'm used to seeing them off, and spending hours away from them at a time. and you'd think that the 'dreadful' day i like to call it, when I first had to leaver her at 4 months old would have prepared me for these milestones but it didn't. before you glance below at a photo sean took just moments before i had the biggest emotional breakdown of my entire life, please take into consideration the following:

• i was 25 pounds from pre baby weight
• sleep deprived
• owned a completely inadequate camera that used, wait for it....FILM.
• i obviously (apparently) WAY over-did it on the concealer and look far more like a geisha than a financial analyst.
• i'm lie smiling here because i was no kidding worried that i'd forever remember this day with horror, sadness and the 2 boxes of tissues i went through if i didn't smile

and now, i just see a fatty and a faker and so, with that...

and today?

it's pretty clear to me that alex was much more ready for first grade than she was for daycare that day. and here i am smiling for the camera yet again when all i want to do is cry, and steal my own child away forever.

i'm so proud of my girly. i hope that every year as we take these photos we are still smiling, that she still lets me hug and kiss her (eventually in private i assume) and that i always get to have a say in the first day of school outfit.

Once a pouter, always a pouter...

Alex, age 2

2011 Kolmer Family Vacation

i think we drove 830+ miles in the past 4 days. during the drive, i'd chuckle out loud at two things. first, a feeling of nostalgia as i was actually living the stories played by the griswold's in the 'vacation' movies. no, we didn't go to europe. no, we didn't go to wally world. but we went to southern oregon, and these kids said some funny things.

after 5 minutes on the road, I had torn a piece of scrap paper from alex's workbook and began scribbling the commentary amidst our 830+ miles and 16 combined hours of car time.

our first stop was 3 1/2 hours south in winston at wildlife safari. what an amazing experience to drive amongst free wildlife in what felt like the africa safari. the zebras, giraffe's and rhino's ran free. some others (bears, hippo's and other) were behind fences and I do believe those pesky and disgruntled ostrich's belonged their too. thank god for electric windows.

QUOTES TO NOTE:

'dad, are you a monkey liker?' -ian

'look at those beauuuutttiiifffuuuul butts!' -caden (about the zebras)

next we drove another hour south to grants pass, where we settled in at a super classy la quinta inn. This (according to the kids) was the highlight of their trip due to the indoor swimming pool. who knew 4 days of fun filled activity could be substituted with a dank and over chlorinated indoor pool? we had a nice dinner at a local brew pub where we were served free flights of beer much needed after 4 hours in a car with three kids.

QUOTES TO NOTE:

'can you guys be quiet so Ian can go to sleep? -carrie

'what if I need to sniff really loudly? -caden

'well, that would be fine.' -carrie

'SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF' -caden

'i've never been to a hotel before' -caden

'it's just like staying at someone else's house but nobody really lives there.' -alex

(at restaurant)

'can we go?' -ian

'we need to pay the bill first' -sean

'who's bill?' -Ian

day 2 we headed even further south to the oregon caves. i'm so incredibly proud and impressed that all three kids (without complaint) maneuvered 500+ stairs (some very steep) and over 1 mile of terrain all within temperatures of near 40 degrees. we were oftentimes in the dark with bats looming overhead. they loved the experience and even humored us for a mile hike afterwards.

later that night we made camp at our good friends parents house in medford and enjoyed some fountain play, crochet on the lawn, and a lovely visit with our gracious hosts.

day 3 was spent in central point/ashland/jacksonville with a dear friend of mine ali (and her husband jeff) who i've known since high school, roomed with in college and have kept in touch ever since. she has a spectacular family and we were lucky enough to spend the day with them enjoying breakfast, a jaunt thru lithia park and later, a boat ride on their brand new boat.

QUOTES TO NOTE:

'look at that old car' -sean

'oh man, that must be from the 1970's' -alex

(it was clearly from long before then)

(jeff to carrie at breakfast while enjoying tri-tip steak omelet, and biscuits and gravy)

'i'm on a juice diet. trying to cut weight for elk season'

'how's that going for ya?' -carrie

'i'm kind of loose with it' -jeff

'BURP' -caden

'excuse you!' -sean

'thanks' -caden

'you don't get it' -sean

'hhmm' -caden

day 4, we were up and at em early for our last excursion CRATER LAKE. it took us 2 hours to get there but was well worth the trip. it really makes you realize how fantastically beautiful oregon is. we were reminded of this when we ran across a motorcyclist who asked us to take a photo of him with the snow in the background. He said, 'you live here?' we said, 'yes'. his response, 'damn, you have a beautiful backyard'. it's true, i complain many months of the year about the drear, the rain, the clouds. but it is worth every second for just this week of pure wonderment. crater lake is a must see for anybody and i was so happy to share this with the kids, and sean who was visiting for his first time.

the steepness of the cliffs, the height at which we hovered above the water (i'll be honest) scared me. i envisioned the kids falling over the edge, tripping and flinging over the hill (i know, i'm psycho). i see heinous injuries before they happen, or ever will. who knew that it's size and the height at which we perched would inflict a panic attack? i have these frequently, and usually can breath/talk myself out of them and this one was no different. had i had a paper bag, i would have been the chick in the corner rocking and breathing with my eyes squeezed shut but to no avail i had lives to save. i clutched the kids hands tighter, held onto their shirts, and sean shook his head at his lunatic of a wife.

we circled half the lake, stopping at various viewpoints for photos. we'd point and stare in awe of this giant hole in the earth. it's brilliant blue, the history, all amazing. i'll be honest, getting 3 kids in and out of their seats every few minutes got tiring and soon we set up camp for a picnic to rest for a bit before our 5 hour trip home.

QUOTES TO NOTE:

'we are 5 minutes from crater lake guys!' -carrie

'eh, well. i sort of feel like riding a horse instead....MOO' -caden

'?' -carrie

'most of the volcanoes exploded when the dinosaurs were alive' -alex

'yep' -ian

'uh huh' -caden

(and this was the first time the 3 agreed all week)

'i've seen 5 different license plates. there's 6, 7.....8' -sean

'yeah, this place is like...a national deal' -carrie

(at picnic area about some fellow campers)

'look at those people, they are having a garage sale' -ian

(thinking she's talking about the crater)

'okay everybody, this is amazing. i think my tooth might fall out this week' -alex

we made one last stop for gas, got gatorades for the kids (bad idea) and an orange fanta for myself at which sean scoffed and said it looked disgusting. I drank it with glee and maybe moaned a few times in it's deliciousness. 10 minutes down the road when he got thirsty, he took a giant swig, looked at me with a grin and said, 'this is not good, it's just wet'. moral of the story is: nobody can deny the orange fanta.

from there, we endured a beautiful drive along the umqua river to roseburg where we all lost steam, and damn near got angry with each other. the iPad had lost it's luster, the seats were no longer comfortable, and the snacks no longer tasty. the bathroom breaks got old, real old. and that's when from the very back row of the car, ian says 'i'm just gonna pull all of this stuff out', and that's when we just didn't care anymore. it wasn't long after that sean slapped a dollar bill on the dash of the car and DARED caden to stop talking for a few exits, and slighty before he slammed on the breaks, pulled to the side of the road and gave ian the look of hate. this kolmer happy vacation was o.v.e.r.

for more pictures of the 'happier times', please look here.

Ian Patrick Kolmer, NICU, ER, MBA.

so far, these are ian's 'credentials'. he received his 'NICU' when he was a few weeks old and the medical and panda express (ambulance) bills started rolling in. we joked that he wouldn't be getting a college education due to the medical bills in his first week of life and we'd surely be paying off the debt of his 1 week stay at OHSU until he was 34. in addition, the yearly visits to doernbecker for hearing tests and screenings would cut into any contributions we could make into a college fund.

last week, ian furthered his education beyond NICU and received a degree in 'ER'. just one short week after i stupidly proclaimed my shock that ian (our rough and tumble, crazy, can't ever walk boy) had never had stitches or some other serious injury aside from your average goose egg.

i'm now eating my words as 8 stitches slowly dissolve into Ian's head.

thirty five minutes before sean and I were to leave for edgefield to enjoy some golf and a fleet foxes concert with friends, cries from the cul-de-sac caused a change of plans. our neigbor (age 6) who the day before had her training wheels removed from her bike, plowed into ian (on his bike) causing him to hit the pavement. then, she ran over his face.

15 minutes later, we are in the ER.

the aftermath

day 2

day 3

day 4

for his quick recovery and his bravery, I'm awarding him with an honorary 'MBA' (major bad ass) degree. what a sport, what a bruiser.

A special Day, An act of kindness

9 years ago today, I woke up on a beautiful June day. I nudged two of my best friends who were still sleeping and said, 'It's Today!'

Back then, 'Today' was my wedding day. The day went so quick, that if I try to remember all the details it appears like a commercial you fast forward through. It was here, and it was gone. But each year as we celebrate our anniversary I like to sit and reflect and remember everything I can about that special day. I thought it would be fun to make a list of my top most memorable moments. In no particular order:

1. The immense feeling of love I felt that day as all our friends and family came together to celebrate us.

2. All my girls, and mothers, and sisters getting our hair done together in eager anticipation for the day.

3. My grandfather standing before us, such an incredible example of a good man, husband and father asking us to 'repeat after me'.

4. The quiet and 'private' moment we setup where Sean could see me in my dress for the first time. The look on his face, and the giggles and tears from my bridal party who spied on us from around the corner.

5. Walking down the aisle with my dad who sensing my nervousness, patted my arm and just smiled.

6. Brent's (Sean's brother) best man speech. We tease him now, but having him be there standing by Sean's side, and being THAT nervous was so endearing.

7. Dancing with my dad for the first time in my life where I wasn't standing on his toes.

8. A photo I have and still cherish of me with all of my girlfriends. Some of which I've grown closer with, some who our relationship has remained the same, and others who over the years we've grown apart.

9. The moment during our ceremony where the ice sculpture deliverer dumped a bucket of ice that echoed throughout the entire hall and I realized that 'weddings are never perfect'.

10. My first dance with Sean as a married lady and realizing that I could not be any luckier.

11. Watching our family members approach the DJ and request songs like, 'celebration' and 'YMCA' and have them turned down. They sure did stay true to my 'do not play list'.

12. Our friend Darren, and one of Sean's groomsmen removing his dress shirt during a dance and revealing a t-shirt with 'I fear no beer' and then watching him use the dress shirt as a prop in his dance moves.

13. Looking around wide eyed for my grandparents as the song 'baby got back' played. Feeling the judgement, but only caring a little.

14. Looking around during the reception at nearly everyone on the dance floor, jumping and dancing and smiling and thinking, 'now, THIS is a party'.

15. Driving to our hotel, IN my Honda Prelude, STILL wearing my wedding dress.

16. Starving to death (as most brides do), ordering pizza, and falling asleep with the box on my chest (in my wedding dress still).

I knew that day as Sean and I stood together that I loved him. I had no idea how much. I had no idea that with the birth of each of our children it would seem to double and triple. As the years pass we've matured, we gain more respect for each other every day, more understanding, and strengthen how we operate as a team. This is not to say we have not had our rough patches, that we are perfect, or that we both don't have days where we want to ring the others neck.

However, if Sean can make it 9 years screwing the toothpaste lid on for me, and I can pick up the clothes off the bathroom floor for him, and together we can survive this thing called parenting I think we'll be alright.

Today, after a frustrating afternoon, a horrible commute and two stops to pick up the kids, I drug them into the local Fred G Meyer for an anniversary card. I stomped around the store, my hands wrapped tightly around each of their hands as they bounced and flailed and asked for a new pillow pet. I regretted my tardiness in this task. I still had two more stops before home, and a mountain of laundry to do, bags to pack, and food to buy for our 4th of July weekend. Ian's birthday is in 4 days and I have nothing for him. I even maybe laugh out loud a little at the irony of the cards I was reading which said, 'Happy Anniversary'. I thought they should say something like, 'Tired Anniversary' or 'Wish we could celebrate our Anniversary', or 'Let's at least shoot for 5 minutes of adult conversation on our anniversary'.

I looked for the shortest possible line to pay and ended up in a line with just one woman in front of me. As I dig for my wallet I see the MOUNTAIN of clothes and accessories she's purchasing and the (for lack of a name on his name badge) potential brand new employee ringing her up. My eyes grow wide, if it were possible steam may have come from my ears and I prayed for calm, peace, and serenity.

All I wanted to do was beat Sean home so I could write on his card and un-wrap the take-out I planned to pick up on the way home. Maybe if I had the time to put it on a plate (because that is less ghetto) I'd feel better.

The woman glanced over at me and reads the cover to my card which of course read, 'Happy Anniversary'. She then looks down at the bouncing bundles of energetic JOY who were pleading for a snack and says to me, 'Is that all your're buying?' I say, 'Yes, they were all out of straight jackets'. She laughs and takes the card from me, and asks the cashier to scan it for her. 'Have a happy Anniversary' she said.

I thanked her profusely and I may or may not have teared up at this random act of kindness. I try to perform these acts spontaneously throughout the year and this was the first time the karma was blatantly returned. And it was in a moment when I needed it most.

I made it home with our brown bag of food, a card, and some renewed perspective. I don't think that woman will ever know the profound effect she had on me. But I do plan to pay it forward.

To Sean, who after 9 years is still putting up with me I thank you deeply. I was so lucky to find such a dedicated, driven, and 'mostly' patient man to live this crazy life with. Nobody knows me better or deeper and there is nobody I'd rather deal with the bad or celebrate the good with. I write this in hopes that one year from now we are just as happy, and maybe a little tan after a well deserved week somewhere tropical and relaxing where children are not allowed.

And we stifle our laughs...

Ian is at this hilarious age. I feel like everything he says or does is funny. Even if it's wrong, naughty or inappropriate. In these instances we deliver the solemn faced punishment, advise him of our disappointment and then run with our hands over our mouths into the other room to laugh in private.

We went through a two month period where each and every day I picked him up from school, I would wait for the teacher to pull me aside. I'd see a note jotted on the sign in sheet. 'SEE TEACHER', it would say. I'd tip my head back, roll my eyes and like a kid in trouble would sulk to the teacher and ask, 'what this time?'

Usually it was in regards to his 'potty words'. What is it about boys and these 'no-no' words? I DO NOT KNOW. We don't talk like that in our house. At least not in front of the kids and from a young age we worked to instill the words we wanted them to use that were of our liking. But of course, there is JUST so much you can control about a 3 year old. The final straw was when Ian received a stronger course of action at school for swatting another boy on the rear in the restroom. Now to me, this is just part of being a boy? I mean, he's just advanced, right? Isn't that what happens in the boys locker room? On the football field? Regardless, he rec'd weeks of solitary bathroom use and could not enter the boys restroom unless alone.

As I'd buckle him in the car each day and dole out the punishment for the night (usually something taken from him, (the privilege to drive his electric car, his favorite toy, or the after dinner t.v. show) he would pout his lip, cross his arms and one day he exclaimed, 'I hate you'.

I gasped. I retracted from him shaking my head in disappointment. My 3 year old son hated me.

I remember as a kid the word, 'hate' not being allowed in our house. Low and behold, we are fighting the same battles in our 4 and now 6 year old. Alex started it, surely picking up the word from school and when frustrated, mad, or what have you would scream, 'I hate myself!'. This of course was hilarious to us as, I think she really meant to say, 'I hate this' or that or the situation, maybe even 'I hate you'. Regardless, 'I hate myself' would send us sneaking out of the room to hide our grins. It was time for an intervention.

We buckled down alongside the teachers, working together to nip this problem in the bud and I'm happy to say that after a week or two of swift and diligent consequences for his actions he was on the up and up.

One Friday, after 5 whole days without a timeout or 'potty word' at school I buckled Ian in his car seat, I told him how proud I was of him. I said, 'this deserves a reward with a dinner out!' His response, 'Ah Mom. Thanks! I don't hate you anymore!' After dinner, the kids got to choose a 'shot' of dessert of their choice. These are adorable, tiny sized desserts that fit in a double shot glass. Perfect size, perfect price for our perfectly behaved, non potty word saying angel boy.

I watched Ian finish his dessert with pride, and smiled as he put the last bite into his mouth. We did it! We were cocky in our parenting skills as we glanced around at the Mis-behaving kids in our midst. All it takes is consistency and dedication! Ian then dropped the spoon into the empty shot glass and shouted, 'Butt hole!'. And with that, he was whisked from his chair and taken to the car with a full belly of chocolate lava cake and a smile on his face.

He's also smart as a whip. Our bedtime routine usually goes something like this: He'll bat his eyes, snuggle up to me and sing me a little song. He says 'Mom, did you hear that? I sang you a song and I'm giving it to you. Giving it to your heart.'

I thank him, kiss him, snuggled him and can't let go.

Then he says, 'So...Can I have another story?'

Some of you may remember this post. Not much has changed since these early days of getting Ian to sleep in a 'big boy bed'. We have ourselves a night owl with this one and luckily he stays in his room for the most part talking, singing, quietly playing with intermittent shouts that send us cracking up downstairs. Each evening as we head upstairs to bed we each stop into each of the kids room to fix their covers, kiss them goodnight, and most importantly see what predicament Ian fell asleep in.

He is notoriously in a funny position, toys strewn about, bed completely torn apart, and as of late, resting high on a tower of pillows like the 'prince and the pea'. He pulls the backrest from the mini-couch in his room, stacks on that his pillow, on top of that his pillow pet, on top of that HIM like a king on his thrown. All the blankets (and there are many) piled on top of him. With a gentle push, he rolls from his tower and settles nicely on his bed and I have to use all my willpower not to giggle out loud and wake him.

I never know what each day will bring with this child. Whether it's a head injury, a giant kitchen spill, a stern talk with his teacher, or a stifled laugh. I will say (and I'm going to use a forbidden word here), I hate to imagine a day without him. Good behavior or bad behavior if you can laugh through parenthood, and the ups and downs of it I think you're doing alright.