Just another manic Monday...

After hearing screams, shrieks and tussling from the other room I step in as 'fight breaker upper extroidinaire' and...

Me: Ian, give Alex her princess picture back. (Her most recent art project from school)

Ian: No, It's Trash.

OC, AC, black eyes and cell phones.

Last week, we had the pleasure of spending our vacation in Ocean City, NJ. Like last year, we flew the kids out to spend a fun-filled week with the Kolmer family. We had a glorious time, lounging on the beach, eating and drinking deliciousness and overall catching up with the family we get to see far too little.

The trip started off on a moderately rocky start with a TERRIBLE red eye flight thanks to a young man now referred to as 'Bam Bam'. I've made made an executive decision that we will NEVER fly a red eye again and although it bodes well for small sleeping infants it does not suit one two year old who aside from screaming, throwing his pillow against the heads of the people two rows in front of us, and creating quite a ruckus for 2 1/2 hours has ultimately left me pain stricken from the stress and physical demands of keeping his feet from kicking the seat of the poor fool in front of him. Either that or that fact that he head butted me in the eye on day 4 giving me a black eye has somehow given me a minor case of whiplash or something. A week later, a chiropractor visit and a massage later, I'm still suffering both a migraine and a wrenched neck/back. It pays to play.

The flight home as shown above was MUCH more tame. Ian watched movies, and slept and was a perfect angel.

The only other loss of the week was immediately following the 'red eye from hell' when I lost my beloved iPhone in the Philadelphia airport that resulted in a week of me lamenting my stupidity in a state of cummication withdrawls. So far, the city of brotherly love has not returned it to me. Go figure.

We had many highlights that indeed made up for this including a lovely 'adult only' trip to Atlantic City. Sean and I along with his Brother & Sister and his Cousin and his wife, took a quick 20 minute jaunt to the Atlantic City Tropicana Casino where we shared a lovely dinner, and few (maybe too many) coctails. We had a blast playing slots, the boys threw craps, and the ladies spent a vast majority of the evening making friends with the roulette dealer, a nice (and lucky)women named Theresa who later returned my wallet to me that I left behind and PTA ( a woman who thought we should be A)best friends and B) play only 2 & 4 because we both had 2 and 4 year olds. Well, I passed and she didn't which is probably why I walked away with all my money plus $1 and she left empty handed. Shame.

Later, we moved on to our own private karoake room, compliments of Sean's Cousin Kevin and his big winnings! Thanks Kev, it was a blast!

This trip was much easier as Ian was mobile, active and enjoyed the beach. Last year his nickname was 'sand crab' as he was just learning to walk, and spent the majority of the time eating sand. This time, he could be found leaning up against sand castles and sand pits flirting with the lady toddlers. Near the end of the week, he was even enjoying the water. Alex was much more brave this year, she was swimming, running in the waves and looked like quite the little beach babe. They both LOVED the boardwalk and were old enough to ride the bumper cars, together, alone.

We had ice cream, witnessed an amazing thunder storm, had two great dinners with his extended family (aunts, uncles & cousins) and Alex had her first lobster tail and hated it.

One night, we went out for pizza at a popular pizza joint called 'Mack and Mancos'. The pizza is huge and flat and awesomely greasy. Ian or 'BAM BAM', helped himself to two pieces and after taking the first bite said, 'I LIKE IT!' it the hugest, monster growl voice. He had everyone laughing (of course) and saying 'I Like it!' all week long.

Overall, it was an amazing week, like all vacations it left us tired, wanting more, and dreading our return to the real world and work...BUT it was awesome and fun, and a great opportunity to take a break from our otherwise hectic lives and spend some good time with family and our kids. Thanks to all the Kolmers for your hospitality, for your company, for some of you taking the time off work to spend time with us, we can't wait for next time!

I obviously posted a few pics, but more are posted on our photo website: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kolmers/

I'm finally at a point where I can talk about it.

So, I'm not sure where to begin. I do need to start by saying that after 4 years of parenting and after 2 years of parenting two, no day has pushed me further or harder than yesterday. I also understand that my last few posts are down right depressing and I fear that any readers out there may assume that A) I hate parenting and B) our life is a total chaotic mess. Well, neither are true and I promise that coming right up will be a giant, lovely post filled with happy memories, moments and funnies as we just had an amazing fun-filled vacation week.


A few months back, a good friend of ours was over for dinner and after several hours of hanging out and letting his wife kind of pick up the parenting slack, he said, 'I'm going to go ahead and grade myself a D in parenting tonight'. We all laughed and ever since Sean and I have used this grading system to rate our days with the kids. Now, obviously we have many days were we feel like A and B parents...but yesterday, I get a big F for Fail. I was not patient, I was not kind, I was not understanding or sympathetic. It was one of those days where I went to bed sad that my one day home with the kids, 'our special day' was tainted and ruined and it would be another 4 days before I'd have the opportunity to make up for it again.

We returned home from vacation late Saturday night (blog to follow I have to aire some dirty laundry first). Sunday was a long, tiring and frustrating day. We were all tired, jet-lagged, and we had a house to clean, loads of laundry to wash, and not a lick of food in the house. We took care of bidness on Sunday and I was looking forward to a calm, restful, and relaxing Monday home with the kids. I even thought, HEY, we'll go to the Zoo! Well, the stars were not aligned, it must have been a full moon and I don't know what I did but Karma was after me.

I woke up with a headache. In fact, I've woken up with a headache for the past 3 days. Ever since I had that first 'vacation is over, I have to go back to work' thought my back has been stiff, my neck a tight wound ball of nerves and the feeling of stabbing knives has burrowed right there in between my eyeballs. Now it could also be the result of Ian ramming his face into my cheekbone last week leaving me with a black eye, but I don't want to blame him as he's already in big big trouble.


Our day went a little something like this:

• I stumbled down to the coffee pot and washed down an excederin migraine.

• I fight my headache and allow the chitlens to watch Caillou.

• I get the kids dressed and encourage Ian to pee on the pottie. After getting him down from the toilet, he pee's on the floor.


• Kids fight like bloody hell for 1 hour over Barbie shoes. After putting Barbie thingsaway, I find them in a nasty tug of war over a book neither of them have touched in a year. Do I calmly detour them to another activity, oh no. I lose my temper and send them outside.


• I manage to unload the dishwasher and moments later I hear the screams. I peek out the kitchen window to find Ian flooding the sandbox with the hose. They are both covered head to toe in wet sand. I briefly wonder why I had children, then clean them up and return inside.


• I take another excederin, lean against the fridge and rub my temples when suddenly I'm standing in water. Ian is holding the hose once again up against the toyroom screen and is flooding the entire room. My brand new bamboo floors are soaked.

• One hour and a half later, I have finished wet/dry vacuuming the room, mopping, and soaking up the water. I make lunch and we all go for a 2 1/2 hour nap.

• We rise from the dead, me in a horrible stupor as I'm a terrible napper. My head feels mildly better and I manage to make a few phone calls as apparently, my kids are playing quietly in the other room. While on the phone with the doctor, I peek around the corner to find Alex and Ian with my boxes and boxes of partylite candles strewn about the entire room. In each of their little hands, a candle which they have been using to DRAW. ALL. OVER. MY. COUCH. WITH.

• I lose my cool, and ask my 2 and 4 year old what I ever did to them.

• Alex pee's on the floor as she's 'too scared to go to the bathroom alone'. The result of a serious 'freak out' while on vacation (more to come).

• Ian decides Chip Chip needs more food and breaks the lid off the food dispenser and fills his water bowl, yes WATER bowl with food. I gag, soggy food floating in waterdoes not do it for me.

• I throw in the towel, literally. I throw the kitchen towel. What happened next, I'm not even sure. I may have even blacked out a little. Reached maximum capacity or something. I'm not sure what happened between 4-6 but we made it, unscathed.

I've been trying to take challenges and stresses and shed some positive light on them. I brainstormed for several minutes trying to find some good in my day. Did I learn something? YES, I learned that the free microfiber cleaner I rec'd with my couch really does remove everything including wax. I also learned that half of my kitchen dishtowels do not absorb water. I also came up with a potential money making invention regarding child proofing outdoor hose nozzles. Win win right?

An instant Mood Enhancer

I swear, at the very minute I feel like I'm too tired to go on, or my laundry list of things to do is so vast I want to burn the list, Alex says something so funny and turns my frown right upside down.

Last night, we pulled into the driveway and she noticed a yellow slip of paper on the front door. I think 'eviction notice?, NO-I think I paid the mortgage'. She says, 'Mom, it's a very important message just for us! It must be from God!' I died. Just as I stopped laughing at her, she shows up next to me, paper in hand and a disappointed look on her face. She points to the picture of a bird on the paper and says, 'No Mom, I was wrong. It's from the zoo.' Really? It was advertising for a roof cleaning company but I humored her and said, 'Yes, a personal invitation-we'll make sure to go to the zoo REAL soon.

Summer has been busy. I have a million blogs in action but no resolution. Maybe in October sometime things will calm down...until then. Just a piece of humor.

Everything, FAIL

For those of you that are on the opposite side of the political fence than I, I apologize for this image. I couldn't resist. Please take solace in the fact that the last week, I have been punished enough for this slandering behavior.

It's true what they say, that everything comes in three's. Although, I have yet to convince that that applies to kids as well. I believe it was last Thursday when things started to one by one go to hell. It started with my trip home from the gym. I decided to be 'pro-active' and stop at the gas station to avoid having to do it on the way in to work the next day. I pulled in, turned the car off and proceeded to check facebook while I filled up. I thanked the gas attendant, took my receipt and attempted to start the car. No. Nothing. Not even a dash light flickered, not even a pathetic attempt of the car turning over. Car battery, FAIL.

The battery was so dead, it wouldn't allow me to even put my over-electric car into Neutral so I could be 'pushed out of the way' as that was obviously the gas attendants biggest concern. I did what any girl would do, I called my dad. He assured me he was on my way. I stepped out of the car, all sweaty and gross and asked around for jumper cables. I found a gentlemen who offered to help. After TWENTY minutes the car, finally sputtered to life. That's when said 'gentlemen' requested payment of $10 for his service. When I said I did not have any cash, but 'thank you so much for your help', he offered to accept dinner, or two babies. Ew, gross. "Thank You Sir, BYE".

The evening escalated with Alex waking up at 11pm throwing up all over her room. Child's health, FAIL. When I mean, all over I am not exaggerating. I was cleaning vomit from her bookshelf, her wool pottery barn rug and picture frames. After cleaning that up, and getting her settled I proceeded to lay in bed in anticipation of the next vomit. One sleepless night, and it never came.

The next morning, we woke to water all over our garage floor. Hot Water Heater, FAIL. Thankfully, Sean stayed home with the kids (Alex being sick) and him and my dad had a new one installed by the time I got home. $458 dollars poorer, with the upside being we can finish washing the puke sheets.

Saturday, Sean spent the majority of the day tearing apart are 1 year old gas mother ship grill. Grill, FAIL. Maybe maybe, due to ownership error, WE failed to clean it properly and it lit on fire. Short of burning down our house, we doused it with water and broke a few of the elements. Owners, FAIL. Sean also replaced my car battery so cross your fingers y'all we are in good working order and are HOPING that that's it, for awhile.

7 Years and counting...

Sean and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary on June 29th. We got a babysitter, went out and enjoyed a quiet dinner and than paid an obscene amount of money to see a movie. We probably paid $5 to see a movie when we first began and now, 11 years later we had to practically take out a second mortgage on our house to see a flick.

Regardless, it was a great night. We saw 'The Hangover' which is superbly hilarious (if you like this kind of thing, which we do). We laughed incessantly, and left with sore faces.



I think I'll take this opportunity to say that after 7 years, I'd still say 'I do'. Sean and I (i think) are the best darn teammates in this ride we call life. We love our little family, and we love love each other. I'm very proud of us, I'm proud of the kids we are raising and the life we are leading. I'm proud that each year we grow and learn about each other, I'm proud that we still have a hell of a lot of fun together even on a weekend where the highlight is cleaning up vomit, and I'm just so darn proud he's my husband.

To many more years, and to many more memories. Happy Anniversary Sean!

Just Breathe

So, two weekends ago (i think) I've lost track... we went to the Rose Festival on a Friday night to hear one of my co-workers play. As we were walking down to the waterfront with kids in tow a man across the street from us was blaring his boom box. He walked the four blocks one street across from us and we enjoyed his music, and laughed, and felt like we were in some sort of movie. Sean said, 'This is so sweet, it's what it would feel like to have your own theme music'. Kind of like Entourage or something, we obviously weren't as cool with our stroller and snack bag, and sippy cups being thrown into the street. But close enough right? I always kind of have a theme song, a song I play incessantly to get me through. Right now it's Anna Nalick's 'Just Breathe'. Take a listen...it's a goodie. It's helping me through right now as I sort of feel like I'm running this marathon and my legs are really cramping and they are tired and I can no longer take a deep breath, but if I stop running...I'll never get going again.

We've been very busy the last few weeks. We've had birthdays galore, Alex turned 4, and Sean 31! Family events, a yard to get in shape, a body I am REALLY trying to get back in shape, a baby shower to organize, a million and one things to do at work, a dog to walk and apparently a floor I now have to sweep each night thanks to both Chip Chip/his damn black hairs, and Ian our resident food flinger.

I'm in the midst of fiscal close at work which has been intense and brain numbing in fact, today I believe I was talking to myself or God in the car thanking him for sparing me an anxiety attack I was sure to hit at any moment today. I then proceeded to write a list while driving home with tasks like put 7 loads of laundry away, order a carpet cleaning service, blog the kids funnies, make dentist appointments, pay our bills, and oh yeah...breathe. I also included 'mail thank you notes' even though I had already done that so I could immediately cross it off because that just makes me feel like I'm being productive.

Due to my hectic work schedule, Sean stayed home with the kids Monday. I came home to two amazingly happy kids who had spent a lovely day at the zoo. Alex ran up to me and said, 'Mom, I had the GREATEST day'. I was so happy. Happy the were happy, happy to be home, and happy dinner was on the table and I didn't make it. Then I got sad. I got sad because they don't run to Sean on Monday afternoons with that sort of excitement! No, 'DAD, we had the best day today' Why? Because I spend those days running errands, grocery shopping, doing laundry and cleaning house. What fun for them eh? All part of my master plan to live more often in the moment and make each moment with them fun. Trying always to find that perfect life balance that seem so hard to master. It always seems that succeeding in one aspect of life results in a slip in another. Well, somethings gotta go because, apparently I'm no fun.

So with that, here I am blogging the kids funnies. Because when I'm done, I get to cross that one off my list too!

Recently, in true Alex fashion (who is a walking accident) she began to cry and when asked what was wrong she replied, 'Mommy, I stubbed my eye'. Really? I died laughing, how do you stub your eye...truly.

Her and I were in Target last week and while perusing the garden section, we happened upon a yard gnome. She asks, 'Mom, is that god?' HaHa, no sweetie. It is not.

Tonight at dinner, I asked Ian to finish his peas. He replied, 'Why?'. That alone cracks me up that he gets this concept already. A few seconds later after nobody answered him he said, 'Cuz?'

Ian is saying SO MUCH all of a sudden. He's stringing two and three words together. He still refers to Alex as Ack. This new found vocabulary is making him very particular. He's able to tell me now that he'd like his drink on the couch while he watches a show and he doesn't want his 'buddy' but his blanket with his meal. Tonight he wandered around asking for Pop Pop and his boat. While most kids learn a word like 'no' and use it, always. Ian really understand when No or Yes will work to his benefit. He understands that when asked if he'd like to sit in time out for hitting, he says 'Yes', and then he'll march over to that bottom step of the stairs, sit down, say 'sowry', and then say 'Agin'? Which means, he'd like to try again.

Both kids have jumped right on board with Chip's training and tell him to Sit, Wait, Down, & Treat? They both take it very seriously...and I do believe Chip listens first to Sean, then to Alex, Ian and finally myself. He's quickly learned I'm the pushover in the family. He's chewed up a sippy cup, a multitude of stuffed animals, my new lounge chair, one pair of expensive Stride Rite shoes, and the kids swimming pool. Oh, and the inside of our tent. He's had worms, and is now being treated for Mites and has now cost us enough to prevent Sean from golfing ever, this summer. And because we bought a horrifically expensive dog de-shedding comb that clearly DOES NOT WORK, I've revoked Sean's coffee shop expenditures. No need for 'I told you so's'. We love him nonetheless. For now.

It's really no wonder I was caught digging through the cart of clearance booze this last weekend at Safeway, going home with two $4.20 bottles of martini wine things...that were 75% off last marked price and earning the nickname 'Boones' by Sean. We do what we can to survive.